Opossum or leg?????

Mount Vernon, Washington (AP)
A man hears an opossum after his chickens. Man grabs 22 cal. rifle. Man spots opossum. Man shoots self in leg. (OK, in Texas, we would probably shoot the opossum. But, that's just us.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

I'll have the large drumstick please.

Montreal, Canada (AFP)
Canadian scientist aims to turn chickens into dinosaurs. (Now we are talking some serious Bar-B-Qued wings. OH YEAH!!!!!)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Contracts out on pigeons

Brussels, Belgium (AFP)
Belgians fear that Chinese criminal gangs are bumping off Belgian carrier pigeons. (No, there is no way I can make this stuff up!!!!)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Say What????

The Hague (AFP)
"Moon rock" displayed at an Amsterdam museum since 1969 turns out to be petrified wood. ("Hey, somebody check those paintings.")
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

What's the fine?

Coulaines, France (AFP)
In order to fight the swine flu, the mayor has made spitting illegal. (How does one enforce a no spitting law? I mean, there will be illicit spitting behind buildings and such, right?)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Self-service?

Bismarck, North Dakota (AP)
A man sat down in the deli at the Cashwise Food Grocery store. The fellow had avocados, cake, cookies, and plums, at 2:45 AM!!!!! Police believe alcohol may have been involved. (Is "drink responsibly" an oxymoron? Just wonderin'.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Rogue Cattle Gangs

London, England (Reuters)
Farmers are issuing warnings after cattle attacks have killed four people in the last 2 months. (OK, I'm thinking Bar B Que. Right? We good? Just thinking.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

When Stupid Attacks!!!!

Mount Carmel, Tenn. (AP)
Scott Gibson tried to get out of paying a $75 speeding ticket by claiming to be the deputy director of the C.I.A. Now old Scott has been charged with criminal impersonation and the Fed.'s want to talk to him. (Another case of chronic stupid!!!!! Tweet outta the gene pool. Report to sterilization. Pay the $75 first.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger =-P

Are packages supposed to move?

Hamilton, Ohio (AP)
FedEx Workers see two pillow cases moving. Turns out to be a box full of boa constrictors. (I bet the addressee doesn't get his package either.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Man the Wise?

Wellington, New Zealand (AFP)
A man regularly shops at a music store and leaves requests for albums with his name and address. Man reaches over counter and takes banknotes in full view of two customers and security cameras. (Well there you go. No wonder other animals wonder why we were put in charge.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Butter vs Security Systems

Beijing, China (AFP)
Property Managers are using butter to stop burglars rather than repairing expensive security systems. (OK, I'm not really sure how this is going to work. The butter is going to make them too fat to get in maybe? Just sayin'.)

They Walk Among Us

Colombia, South Carolina (AP)
Clinic accidentally pulls 13 teeth from a female patient (TWEET!!!!! Outta the gene pool. Report to sterilization.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Too Good A Job

Shanghai (AFP)
25 women returning to China after cosmetic surgery in South Korea were not allowed back into the country. Their faces no longer matched their passport photos. (OK, ladies that's funny. I can see the guards now. "No ma'am that doesn't look like you." "No ma'am, I'm not blind and that isn't you!!!!")
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Flying Rabbis

Jerusalem, (AFP)
Rabbis are flying over Israel saying prayers and blowing on ram horn trumpets to ward off the swine flu. (Apparently, their vaccine isn't ready either.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

TTMYGHmmm??? Friday Edition

Sierra Vista, Arizona (AP)
An Arizona man had twelve pairs of athletic socks stolen from his back yard clothesline. (Ok, who needs twelve pair of "hot" athletic socks? Is there a market for hot atheletic socks? Just wonderin'.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)