Yup, karma is a b****.

Atlanta, Ga. (Atlanta Journal Constitution),
   Two would be peeping toms fell through the ceiling tiles into the women's room at a movie theater.  Yup, shoulda watched the big screen.
Protect your privy,
Rodger

Beauty is not cheap!!

Golden, Col. (AP)
   Police are looking for a well groomed man accused of stealing $2,600 worth of Rogaine, teeth whitening strips, weight loss pills and pro-biotics. Damn he must look good!!!
Protect your image,
Rodger  ;-P

And for males, that's just the way it is.

Collinsville, Ill. (ABC)
   5 year old Gus Dorman taught himself to read while sitting on a training potty and looking at a newspaper.  Yup, he's joined a big club.
Protect your pot-ty,
Rodger ;-P

A whole new meaning for hot pursuit.

Houston, Texas (KPRC)
Over the past two years five Houston P.D. patrol cars have burned-up due to trunk fires.  Investigators believe the cause may be safety flares stored in the trunks.  Apparently, the Houston heat makes the flares easy to light.  Really???  Do you think?  Hit a bump and POP!!!
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-P

And that is called Karma.

Houston, Texas (KTRK)
   Deputies responding to a burglary call noticed a strong smell coming from the house next door.  Upon investigation, law enforcement found $2 million worth of meth.  Boy some trailer park is going to be really unhappy.
Protect your neighborhood,
Rodger ;-P 

Well that works better than Metamucil!!!

Salina, Kansas (AP)
   Jenna Krehbiel was attending the Shrine Circus when she needed to go to the restroom.  When Jenna went into the restroom she came face to face with a full grown Bengal Tiger.  (First she said it and then she did it.)
Protect your privacy,
Rodger ;-P

And just when I thought I had seen it all.

Ionia, Mich. (AP)
   Judge Raymond Voet's smart phone went off during a trial. Judge Voet held himself in contempt and fined himself $25. Wow, an honest Judge,
Here comes judge, here comes the judge,
Rodger ;-P

That particular issue is not an emergency.

Girard, Penn. (AP)
   A woman called 911 at 1 AM requesting a divorce.  Alcohol may have been involved.
Protect your relation-ship,
Rodger ;-P

Things usually work themselves out in the end.

Manchester, N. H. (AP)
   Police have recovered a diamond ring that Ronald Perly tried to steal by swallowing.
Protect your jewelry,
Rodger ;-P

They walk among us and they usually get caught.

Medford, Oregon (AP)
  Two burglars took silver ingots, rare coins, and other collectibles during a break in.  They also took a juice box from the fridge, shared the juice and left the box in the garage. Besides leaving a mess, they also left their DNA on the juice box. And that's why the phrase "dumb ass" was created.
Protect your beverages,
Rodger ;-P

And my dog ate a Ferrari.

Helena, Montana (AP)
   Wayne Klinkel wants the U.S. Treasury to replace 5 $100 bills that his dog ate.  Wayne "recovered" the pieces of the bills and taped them together.  Wayne then sent the "repaired" bills to the U.S. Treasury.
Protect your sanity,
Rodger ;-P

Probably should put guards on the milk.

Berlin, Germany (AP)
   Thieves have stolen 5.5 tons  of Nutella Chocolate Hazelnut spread.  (Damn munchies!!)
Protect your snacks, again,
Rodger ;-} (mustache)

I'm thinking Goldfish Over Dose (G.O.D.) myself.

Miami, Florida (Miami Today)
   Patti Burke claims to have found a sign from God on a Goldfish cracker.  Mrs. Burke displays a Goldfish cracker which appears to have a circle with a cross.  Mrs. Burke eats between two to three pounds of the crackers a week.  She examines each one before eating.  I'm not sure what she does with the rest of her time.  Must take quite a bit of time examining three pounds of crackers one at a time. (1 ounce pack contains 60 crackers.)
Protect your snacks.
Rodger, ;-P
 

Probably should put up some sort of sign.

Istanbul, Turkey (Discovery News)
  Archaeologists find the gate to Hell near Pamukke, Turkey.  (And I thought the gate to hell was in Amarillo.  Amarillo may have the rear entrance.)
Protect your myths,
Rodger ;-P

Bovines Bully Austrian Town.

Vienna, Austria (AP)
   A gang of rogue steers raided the Austrian town of Frittadt.  The 43 steers assaulted a group of fire fighters who tried to stop them injuring two.  Police were called in but the the steers terrorized the town for two days before most were captured. 18 hard core steers have apparently escaped.
Protect your beef,
Rodger ;-P