WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN??

London (AP)
  London firefighters have had to free 79 different people who have locked themselves in handcuffs. Tweet outta gene pool, report to sterilization!!
Protect your keys,
Rodger  :-P

FIREFIGHTERS HATE PISSED OFF SNAKES.

Salt Lake City, Utah (AP)
   Firefighters answering a call for a kitchen fire found 28 very upset snakes.  22 of the snakes were non venomous, but there were 5 rattlers and one gaboon viper. The firefighters said the creep factor was way up. The homeowner had no license for the venomous snakes.
Protect your sssssafety,
Rodger :-P

LOOK AT THE ADDRESS DUMB ASS!!!

McArthur, Ohio (AP)
   Katie Barnett went on vacation.  When she returned the locks on her house had been changed and many of her positions were gone.  The First National Bank of Wellston had reposed the wrong house.  The Bank claimed their GPS system gave them the wrong location. Nobody thought to look at the address. Katie wants $18,000 for the possessions that were thrown out.  The Bank has refused wanting receipts for the items. 
   Now let me get this straight.  The dumb asses  reposes the wrong house because nobody at the bank knows how to read an address and they want receipts??  Time to get a lawyer!!!
Protect your prop-erty,
Rodger :-P

BIRD OF PREY NO STOOL PIGEON

Istanbul, Turkey  (AP)
   A bird of prey (kestrel) with an Israeli leg band that tracks migrating birds was found innocent of spying for Israel and released into the wild.  X-rays taken in Istanbul proved the bird was not transporting an electronic device.  ( Can you spell paranoia? )
Protect your village,
Rodger :-P

HAVE YOU HAD YOUR SALT TODAY?

Washington, D.C. (Dailey Mail)
   Economists Freyer, Politi, and Weil looked at 2 million WWII draftees  between 1921 and 1927.  They found that those recruits born after the year (1924) iodine was added to salt had IQ's 15 points higher than those before 1924.  Apparently, the U.S Congress doesn't use iodized salt.
Protect your smart-s,
Rodger :-P
  

SOME DAYS YOU SHOULD JUST STAY IN BED.

MISSOULA, Mont. (KECI-TV)
   Andy Hill was floating down the Clear Fork River with his wife on inner tubes.  A man jumped off of a road bridge and landed on Andy's legs breaking both of them.  Andy's going to spend the rest of the summer in a wheel chair.  What are the odds?
Protect your recreation,
Rodger :-P

NO MEANS NO!!!

Gifhorn, Germany (AFP)
   Apparently a female llama named Luisa had enough of unappreciated advances from a male llama.  Luisa fled the compound and was fleeing down highway B4 when captured by six police officers and her owner.  Five of her llama friends seemed happy when she was finally returned.  One llama seemed happier than the other 4.  I'm not sure how Luisa is handling her unwanted suitor and present.
Protect your relation-ships,
Rodger  :-P

SOMEBODY'S IN TROUBLE LUCY!!!

Ft. Worth, Texas (AP)
    David Underwood and his wife came by to mow the lawn of the house they were trying to sell.  The lawn was still there but the house was gone.  City demolition crews had demolished the wrong house.  They were supposed to demolish the house next door.  Apparently, someone can't read a freaking address!!!
Protect literacy,
Rodger :-P

LITHUANIAN CITY MONITORS PEOPLE'S VIBES

Vilnius, Lithuania (Reuters)
   The city is installing a giant screen "happiness barometer" on the town hall.  The "barometer" will show the happiness of the city's citizens on a scale of 1 to 10.  Well there you go.  One can check the mood of the city at any given time. (Nope, not going to work today, too many bad vibes man.)
Protect your mo-od,
Rodger :-P 

DUDE, YOU SAW HER WHEN YOU HIRED HER.

Des Moines, Iowa (Reuters)
   Dr. James Knight fired Melissa Night, his assistant for 10 years, for being "too attractive."  Miss Night sued saying her firing was sex discrimination.  The all male State Supreme Court said nope, Dr. Knight didn't discriminate. (Yeah, whatever, I smell a wife involved.)
Protect your operation,
Rodger :-P

HEY BUDDY, WHERE IS YOUR I.D.?

Cincinnati, Ohio (AP)
   6ft 5, 295 pound Thomas Williams was charge with vandalizing Moeller High School.   Mr. Williams was wearing only Spiderman underwear when he was arrested. Records do no indicate of Mr. Williams had an attorney or pants.
Protect your underoos,
Rodger :-P

CYBER WARRIORS NEEDED. ONLY THE LITERATE NEED APPLY.

London, England (AP)
   Britain is trying to recruit "cyber reservists" into the military. The military has determined that "cyber warriors" don't require the same physical aptitude as traditional warriors.  Hence recruited hackers and keyboard jockeys won't be required to pass the military's physical fitness tests to join up.  However they will be required to pass the "can you read and write?" test.  
Protect your WWW: ,
Rodger ;-P

STUPID ZOMBIES, NOW THEY ARE DRIVING.

Des Moines, Iowa (KCCI)
  Police find car split in half after hitting a power pole.  There was no sign of the driver.  The police brought in a sniffer dog to see if they could find the driver.  The dog found nothing.  Yup, zombie.
Protect your trans-port,
Rodger :-P

WHEN ANIMALS FIGHT BACK!!!

Taos, New Mexico (AP)
   A commando beaver chew through a fiber line knocking out humans' internet and cellphone services for 20 hours.  I think it's scouting run and test to get ready for a bigger attack.  Just sayin'.
Protect your communications,
Rodger :-P