They walk among us.

Jenkins, Ky (AP)
   Michael Baker decided to steal gas from a police patrol car. Mike had his girl friend take a picture of him syphoning gas from the cruiser as he flipped off the camera. Then Mr. Baker posted the photo on Facebook. Yup, the police showed up and arrested this genius.  Well there you go, TWEEEEEET outta the gene pool, report to sterilization.
Protect your fu-el,
Rodger ;-)

Tastes just like turkey?

San Diego, CA. (Reuters)
   Border security arrested a man attempting to smuggle in 115 oven ready iguanas.  So does one use bread, or corn bread stuffing with roasted iguana?  At least one gets four legs.
Protect your rep-tile,
Rodger  ;-)

Mustard, relish, bandage?

Albuqurque, New Mexico (AP)
   Eric Kilmer was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.  Eric became upset with one of his competitors and attacked the poor fellow with his..............hot dog cart.  That's right Eric's deadly weapon was a hot dog cart!!!!  How does one not see a hot dog cart coming?  Eric must have concealed the hot dog cart until getting close to the victim.
Protect your hot-dogs,
Rodger  ;-)

I think it's over.

Flagler County, Florida (AP)
52 year old Steven Egan took his girl friend hog hunting. Old Steve mistook his girlfriend for a hog and shot her.  The girlfriend was shot in the leg and is expected to recover. However the relationship is probably dead. "Sorry dear, I didn't mean to shoot you. I thought you were a pig."
Protect your rela-tions,
Rodger ;-)

But no Goldilocks.

Scaranton, Pa (AP)
   The local WNEP-TV weather man was giving the 11:00 clock weather outside as usual. Then up walked a momma bear and three cubs apparently wanting the weather. The weathe man finished his broadcast inside the station.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-P

Dude, your leg is ringing.

Uniontown, Pa (AP)
   Christopher Greer was sentenced to 6 months in jail for driving on a suspended license.  Old Chris checked into the jail to serve his sentence with a cell phone and charger hidden in prosthetic leg.  Yep, old Chris had a bootleg phone.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-P

Yup, he's over there.

Traverse City, Michigan (AP)
  Detective Kevin Gay went into a convenience store to show surveillance photos of a suspect to the clerk. Turns out the dude was one register over buying a pack of cigarettes. I knew cigarettes could kill you and apparently get you arrested too.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger  ;-)

Wow, practical math.

San Diego, CA (AP)
   A scientist was able to use math and physics to avoid paying a $400 ticket for running a stop sign. The fellow wrote a 4 page analysis which the judge bought.  Man I wish I had paid attention now.
Protect your math-matics,
Rodger ;-)

"Did I do that?"

Birmingham, Alabama (Reuters)
   An Alabama player's dad accidentally bumped the table upon which rested the $30,000 crystal National Champion Trophy rested.  Yup, you got it, the crystal trophy hit the floor and shattered. (Damn, that's gotta suck.)
Protect your cry-stal,
Rodger ;-)

Need a towel???

Joshua Tree, CA (AP)
   27 year old Michael Calvert decided to burglarize a house. After Mike had gathered the items to be stolen, he decided to have a light supper washed down with champagne. After the meal, Michael decided to take a shower. Yup, police arrested Michael at gunpoint while he was still lathering up.
Protect your show-er,
Rodger ;-)

Yeah, there's more of them.

Montpelier, Vt. (AP)
   Gov. Shumlin heard noises in his backyard. He spotted 4 bears. He went outside to chase the 4 bears off (apparently the Governor can't count). The 4 bears chased the Governor back into the house.
Protect your-self,
Rodger ;-)

Well, I never heard that one before.

Modesto, Ca. (AP)
  A weight lifter claims he accidently shot himself by dropping a dumb bell on a 22 cal. shell.  So many questions and so little time.  Seems to be several dumb bells involved.
Protect your ab's,
Rodger  ;-P

Any planes around?

Litchfield, Conn. (AP)
   Ok with a name like "Litchfield" one kinda wonders anyway. However, a local resident and a state troop claim to have seen a glowing object the size of whale fall from the sky into a local  lake the other night. After hours of searching no evidence of a crash or anything else was found.  Blue ice, what? Blue Ice?
Protect your fresh water,
Rodger ;-)

But was it 15%?

Dallas, Texas (NBC)
   Firefighter robs bank and leaves $20 tip for the teller's trouble.  Well there you go, I guess they really do need a raise.
Protect your tips,
Rodger ;-)

When you gotta have it, you gotta have it.

  Vienna, Austria (AP),
      Thieves break into a warehouse and steal 2 tons of coffee.  So many questions and so little time.  But when you gotta have coffee, I guess you gotta have coffee. So much for nerves.
Protect your bever-age,
Rodger ;-)

They walk among us.

Seattle, Washington (AP)
  Travis Nicolaysen has escaped police and tracking dogs twice. But old Travis keeps updating his facebook page. Probably not a good idea in the long run.  Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of "They walk among us."
Protect your social-network,
Rodger ;-P

Arm busts man.

Twin Falls, Idaho (AP)
   Dylan Edward Contreras tried to give police a fame name. Seems Dylan forgot he had his real name tattooed on his forearm.   Dumb ass!!!
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)

Eye in the sky.

Murray, New York (AP)
   A 26 ft. box truck was reported stolen.  A police helicopter spotted a man trying to bury a truck in a sand pit with a bulldozer. I'm not sure why the dude was trying to bury the truck. I'm not even sure who stole the truck.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)

Now they can run into each other.

Philadelphia, Penn (AP)
   City sets up "texting lanes" at crosswalks.  Now people texting and listening to music will not "bump" or "cut-off" regular folks. Now, texting lanes for motorists.
Protect your De-vice,
Rodger ;-)

And it was all a dream.

Paradise, Ca. (AP)
  69 year old Robert Biggs was hiking when he claims he was attacked by a mountain lion.  Mr. Biggs went on to claim a mother bear attacked the mountain lion and saved him.  And then Bambi met the Lion King and they all moved to San Diego for the surf.
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-P

One thing at a time buddy!!!

Kennewich, Washington (AP)
   Jeromy Kirkendall lost control of a stolen a pick-up truck.  Jeromy jumped a ditch, smashed through some logs, swerved across several lawns before hitting a house. Mr. Kirkendall was texting and eating a croissant at the same time.  Kinda explains the loss of control thing.
Protect your Pick-ups,
Rodger B-)