OVER MULTI-TASKING!!

Louisville, Kentucky (UPI)
   Rosanna Heinrichs was trying to order a pizza from a Domino's Pizza website from her phone while driving down the road. Police pulled Miss Heinrichs over after noticing her weaving in and out of her lane. Law enforcement believes alcohol may have been involved. (Hell, I can't order pizza from a web site on my phone when I'm sitting in my chair sober.)
Protect your pepperoni,
Rodger :-P 

JUST SQUEEZE IT ON A CRACKER.

Tokyo, (UPI)
   A cookbook recently hit the top 100 sellers on Amazon Japan.  The cookbook is titled Condom Dishes I Want to Make for You. The book contains 11 recipes for stuffing food into condoms such as; escargot in butter, fruit pilaf, cookies, and curry. The cookbook is selling for $2.30 on Amazon Japan. (No thanks, I ate before I left  home.)
Protect your pi-la-f,
Rodger :-P

RUST NEVER SLEEPS.

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (UPI)
   44 year old Rami had six metal balls implanted in his penis to improve his sexual performance. Apparently, the balls were working until they began to rust. Mr. Rami had to have them removed. (Well there you go. Should have had a WD 40 valve implanted for maintenance.)
Protect your privates, 
Rodger  :-P