Flash Freeze Fells Flea Circus!!!

Berlin (AP)
   An unexpected freeze has wiped out the entire troupe of a traveling flea circus.  All 300 performers were found dead inside their transport box.  The circus had to scramble to find and retrain another cast of performers before the next show.  (Wonder how one trains a flea? Are they trained as a group or one at a time?)
Protect your pests,
Rodger ;-P

And that's why they call it "dope" instead of "stupid."

Totowa, New Jersey (AP)
   Three men were arrested for smoking pot.  These three geniuses lit up in the State Trooper's Barracks parking lot.  They were waiting on a buddy to pick up paper work for an impounded car. (And that's why no one shows up for the Pro-Pot Rallies and Demonstrations.)
Protect your garden,
Rodger ;-P

Like men need another reason to go to the restroom.

Allentown, Penn (AP)
   A minor league team, the Iron Pigs, has installed urinal video games in their stadium.  The "hands free games" are meant to promote prostate health.  (Quick, get me another beer, I'm close to beating my personal best!!)
Protect your privy,
Rodger ;-P

Probably messes up the Donald's hair.

London (AP/CBS)
   Donald Trump is upset over Scotland putting a wind farm off  the coast of Scotland.  Seems the 12 turbines might block the Donald's view from his golf resort.  Nope, no elitism here boy.
Protect your power,
Rodger ;-P

'Gator loses to 29 year old lady.

Lake County, Florida (Orlando Sentinel)
  29 year old Deputy Sheriff Jessica McGregor lassos a 7 ft. alligator trying to break through a middle school fence and hog ties the 'gator by herself.
Protect your education,
Rodger ;-P

So many questions!!!

Bowie County, Texas (KSLA Shreveport)
   Woman's house burned down by a snake she set on fire.
So many questions, so little time.
Protect your domicile,
Rodger ;-P

Yup, they walk among us. And some are in charge.

Damascus, Syria (Syrian News Agency)
   The Syrian government is reporting that Israel is using "spy" rocks to spy on Syria.  The "spy" rocks are disguised as regular Syrian rocks but are really Israeli rocks dropped by plane.
I give up,
Rodger B-/

The Force is stonger then you thank.

Glasgow, Scotland (BBC)
   The Free Church of Scotland is pushing a bill to allow the Temple of the Jedhi Order to perform weddings.  That's right one could have a Star Wars Jedhi wedding.
Protect your SyFy,
Rodger ;-p

Just follow the code.

Metairie, Louisiana (AP)
   Burglar breaks into pharmacy with a pickax.  Burglar leaves pickax with bar code. Police use bar code to find store where pickax was bought. Store has video of purchase.  Police arrest burglar.  Next.
Protect your tools,
Rodger ;-P

Honest honey, the label said "sugar free."

Monteclair, New Jersey (AP)
   The FDA has shut down a local bakery.  Their sugar free treats hand three times the sugar allowed.  Their fat free goods had two times the fat allowed.  Both groups were way past "free."
Protect your snacks,
Rodger  ;-P

Probably wouldn't work at a public school.

Port Orange, Fla. (AP)
  A heath care company has "beer cart" Fridays.  Yup, employees are allowed to drink one beer on the company's tab at work on the clock as a reward for hard work. (Probably isn't good beer.  Bet they just get Miller or Bud lite or Coors. You know that kiddy beer.)
Protect your morale,
Rodger ;-P

And that is what they call karma.

Lakewood, Colorado (KUSA-TV)
    A waitress was handed her own stolen ID by a 26 year old woman ordering drinks.  I'm not sure why the 26 year old didn't use her own ID instead of the stolen one. This must be a case of...wait for it....  karma!!
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-P

They walk among us.

Jonesboro, Arkansas (KAIT-TV)
   Jamie Craft was arrested on a DWI charge after trying to flee the scene of an accident on a child's, battery powered, toy truck.  Yup, 5 mph is not going to work for a getaway. Tweet, outta the gene pool!!!  Report to sterilization.
Protect your species,
Rodger ;-P

Contraband caterpillar smuggler busted.

London, England (AP)
   In a continuing effort to stop the increasing illicit insect trade, customs inspectors caught a man trying to smuggle in 207 # of dried caterpillars from Barkina Faso.  No one knows how many pounds of contraband caterpillars are smuggled into England every year undetected.  As of this posting, the U.S.A. has no way of countering contraband caterpillar smuggling.
Protect your lady bugs,
Rodger ;-P

We can hear you.

Molalla, Oregon (AP)
   A 911 dispatcher received a butt call during a drug buy.  Using the phone's GPS, the dispatcher sent the police to the location.  A man and woman suspects denied any connections with drugs or even having a phone.  The dispatcher could hear the police officer asking questions over the phone and let police know, "yup, that's them."
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger  ;-P