WHAT DO YOU MEAN "OOPS."

Sudlersville, Maryland (AP)
   A military practice bomb "accidentally", you know "accidentally", landed on Darlene's Tavern's parking lot.  An Air National Guard Wart Hog "accidentally" dropped the bomb on the way back to base.  Lt. Col. Kohler said the 3 foot deep hole in the parking lot was caused by an "electronic" error. And they were investigating to see what exactly happened.
   Try this Lt. Col. Kohler.  Your plane dropped a bomb in a tavern's parking lot. That's what F***in' happened!!!!
Protect your tavern,
Rodger ;-P
  
 

DUMBASS!!!

Bellingham, Wash. (AP)
   David Jordon stepped out of his pickup and shot a marijuana wrapped arrow at the second floor rec. area of the city jail. He missed and the arrow landed on the roof.  When he was arrested he told police he was shooting at a squirrel and missed.  Mr. Jordon was unable to explain why marijuana was needed to shoot a squirrel.
Protect your wild-life,
Rodger :-P 

MUST BE CHANNELING J. EDGAR HOOVER

Moscow, Russia (Reuters)
   Police seize painting of Russian leader Putin in women's underwear. Alexander Putin had been head of the KGB and the incident recalls rumors of FBI head J. Edgar Hoover.
Protect your secur-ity,
Rodger :-P 

YUP, SPACE ALIENS!!

Windsor, VT. (AP)
   On Wednesday, a 120 cubic-yard goat manure pile "spontaneously" caught fire.  No one was injured, but the smell of burning poop spread across the whole town at 3 AM.  ("Spontaneous" my a**. That was a space alien gas attack.)
Protect your poop,
Rodger :-P

WHAT THE ???????

Ft. Worth, TX (NBC)
   The for the second time this summer contractors working for the City of Ft. Worth have destroyed the wrong house. (Looks like they would have figured that out before destroying even one.)
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger :-P

YUP, OURS IS OUT TOO.

Fairfield, Conn. (AP)
   Fairfield police received numerous 911 calls Sunday alerting the police that there was a cable TV outage.  (Good to have priorities.)
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger  :-P

PUTTING A STOP TO THAT KINDNESS CRAP.

Atlanta, Ga. (AP)
   A new rule from the State Road and Tollway Authority bans drivers from paying the toll for the person behind them in line. (I guess kindness doesn't matter in Georgia.)
Protect your tolls,
Rodger :-P

SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!

Davenport, Iowa (AP)
   Cynthia Weeks' border collie, Laddy, had been missing for a couple of days.  Laddy was found two blocks over and 10 ft. up in a neighbor's tree. 
Protect your shade,
Rodger :-P

SO MANY QUESTIONS, SO LITTLE TIME.

New York (AP),
   A dead, 4 ft. shark was found in a subway car.  (Wonder if the shark had a rail pass?)
Protect your transport,
Rodger  :-P

SUPERSITION MEETS SCIENCE

Moscow, Idaho (Mountain Express)
   Idaho State University, Jeffery Meldrum, and William Barnes are collaborating on a plan called the "Falcon Project" which will use a 45ft. drone to look for Big Foot. Yup, that's going to be money well spent.  Discovery Channel here we come.
Protect your science,
Rodger :-P

THERE'S ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE.

New York (AP)
   Folks are paying a spa $180 for a bird poop facial.  The bird poop is imported Japanese nightingale poop.  (For $20 one can get a chicken shit poop facial.)
Protect your feces,
Rodger ;-)