Roving gang hits veteran's cemetery.

Southhampton, Mass. (AP)
   40 U.S. flags and bronze veteran's grave markets were destroyed by vandals.  The police investigation led them to a gang of 40 rogue cows.  Apparently, the bovine gang hit the cemetery at night and fled after they vandalized the cemetery.
Protect your eternal rest,
Rodger ;-P

Ice cold coke not so refreshing.

Reading, Penn. (AP)
   100's of bottles of soda spilled across a U.S. highway outside of Reading after a wreck.  Trouble is the soda froze shutting the highway down for 5 hours. Probably should have hooked with the burning cheese in Norway.
Protect your snacks,
Rodger ;-P
 

You gotta have rules!!!

Santa Clara, Ca. (AP)
   49er's running back Frank Gore has been fined $10k by the NFL.  Yup, old Frank was caught wearing his socks too low during the NFC Championship game.  Hey a dress code is a dress code!!!!
Protect your Appar-el,
Rodger ;-P

Flaming Dairy Halts Transportation

Oslo, Norway (AP)
   27 tons of burning goat's cheese has shut down a road tunnel in Norway.  Fireman are unable to enter the tunnel due to the flames and smell.  Officials are keeping the tunnel closed until the cheese burns itself out.
Protect your Ched-dar,
Rodger  ;-P

Don't be a fool, stay in School!!

Springfield, Mass. (AP)
   Three masked men attempted to rob a Chinese restaurant.  The three were forced to flee empty handed, however, because they couldn't figure out how to operate the cash register. Yup, crime doesn't pay well at all.
Protect your tech-nology,
Rodger ;-P

Well now, that story ought to work.

San Andreas, Ca. (AP)
   Police arrested Robert London for burglary.  At the time of the arrest Robert was clothed only in a trench coat and socks.  Robert explained that he wasn't trying to steal anything, he was just using the sauna.  (Soooo many questions, sooooo little time.)
Protect your bath,
Rodger ;-P

At Big Gun Show Shotgun Goes Bang.

Raleigh, North Carolina (Reuters)
  At the Dixie Gun and Knife Show which was part of Gun Appreciation Day, Gary Lynn Wilson, 36, was taking his shotgun out of its case. The shotgun fired hitting a 54 year old woman and a 50 year old man.  The Gun show will continue but owners are no longer allowed to bring guns into the show.  In addition the woman and man who were shot were not appreciative of Mr. Wilson's loaded shotgun.
Protect your ass-es,
Rodge ;-P

I'm glad that's cleared up!!!!

Washington, D.C. (Reuters)
   The United States Supreme Court has ruled 7-2 that a floating house is not a vessel. (Wow, I was worried about that one boy!!!)
Protect your domicile,
Rodger ;-)

Baby Bash turns into Brawl.

Stoughton, Mass. (Daily Enterprise)
   The Daily Enterprise is reporting that a baby shower turned into a brawl and 30 police officers had to respond to break it up. (I myself have never attended a baby shower, but I have long been suspicious of what actually goes on there.)
Protect your festiv-ities,
Rodger ;-P

 

Budget restraints blast Death Star plans.

Washington, D.C. (AP)
   The White House budget office has killed plans to build the Death Star.  Citing deficit problems the White House has cancelled the Death Star building plans for the time being.
Protect your myths,
Rodger ;-P

U.S. Congress beats gonorrhea in popularity poll.

Washington (CBS)
   The U. S. Congress beat gonorrhea, meth labs, and the Kardashians in a popularity poll.  However, the poll showed people in the U.S. preferred root canals, colonoscopies, lice and roaches over the U.S Congress.  (And just think, ever member of congress was put there by a majority of voters.)
Protect your democ-racy,
Rodger ;-P

Great!!! Now they are toooooo quite!!!

Detroit, Mich. (AP)
   The National Safety Council wants hybrid and electric cars be required to make noise at speeds below 18 mph.  Apparently, bicyclists and walkers can't hear the cars coming and step in front of them. The Dept. of Transportation is going to hold hearings and ask for input on the sound the cars should make.  (Ok, the mind boggles at the number of sounds (most inappropriate) that would work.)
Protect your ambulat-ing,
Rodger  ;-P

Some jokes ain't funny.

Newton, Mass. (AP)
   Police received a call teenagers were egging a local police sergeant's house.  The eggers turned out to be three off duty police officers.  No charges were pressed but the police sergeant said he would handle the problem internally.  Somebody ain't happy Lucy.
Protect your domi-cile,
Rodger ;-) 

It's all in the name?

Lehi, Utah (AP)
   The City Council is going to rename Morning Glory Road over concerns about the name's sexual connotation.  Ok, I'm lost.  This just a little too subtle to me.
Protect your name,
Rodger ;-P