PILLOW PET PILFERER PLEADS GUILTY.

Oceanside, California (AP)
   Danny Ray Wright pilfered 3500 pillow pets worth $84000 from a warehouse.  Danny sold $11000 worth on eBay.  Man I didn't know there were that many people wanting a pillow pet.  I'm not even sure what they are.
Protect your pets,
Rodger ;-)

YOU STILL HAVE TO HAVE AN I.D!!!

Reno, Nevada (AP)
   An adolescent mountain lion tried to sneak into a Reno casino.  Yup, teenagers act like teenagers what ever the species.
Protect your roul-ette,
Rodger ;-)

DEFINE SKUNK.

College Station, Texas (AP)
   Authorities say a Central Texas woman has accidentally shot her husband while trying to kill a skunk in their yard.  The lady shot her husband in the stomach with a handgun.  The fellow was probably holding the skunk as opposed to the skunk being on the ground.
Protect your part-s,
Rodger ;-)

EYES TOO BIG FOR HIS BACK.

Mashpee (there's a name boy), Mass.
   23 year old William Kophammer was arrested for burglary. A police dog had stopped him at 6:30 am. Shortly after his arrest William began complaining of back pain and was taken to the hospital. The cause of his pain was probably the 40# backpack filled with stolen jewelry, electronics, etc. that he had been carrying.
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

JUST TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BUDDY.

Oslo, Norway (Reuters),
   Cutting back on insurance and courier costs, a Norwegian Gallery had a Rembrandt etching sent by mail. Yup, it's lost. Let us see, saved $127.53 on insurance and a courier but lost an $8,600 etching in the mail. Oh yeah, that works.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)

THE EVIL TWIN DEFENSE.

Big Beaver, Pa. (AP)
   Police charged 31 year old Jennifer Brown with stealing over $200 worth of stuff from a hotel room. Brown claimed her twin had stolen the items and Jennifer was going to return them. Family members confirmed that Jennifer had no twin. (For the evil twin defense to work, one must have a twin!!!)
Protect your stuff,
Rodger ;-)

DON'T FLUSH, I'M STILL READING.

Rye Brook, New York (AP)
   "Bryan and Jordan Silverman are creators of toilet tissue printed with ads, and sometimes with coupon codes that can be read by cellphones."  (What are you doing in there?      I'm reading the toilet paper.)
Protect your toil-et,
Rodger  ;-)

HEY BUDDY, WANT TO BUY A CANARY CHEAP?

Miami, Fla. (AP)
   Thieves broke in Manuel Sanchez's home and stole 500 canaries.
The canary thieves have been boot legging them to pet stores around town. Apparently, the canaries are worth $30 dollars each.  Police are looking for the thieves who were captured on video cameras at the pet stores.  I'd just look for the guys covered in canary poop, but that's just me.
Protect your can-ery
Rodger ;-)

SO WHERE'S THE REMOTE????

Washington (AP)
    Seth Horvitz ordered a 39" flat screen TV from Amazon. When UPS delivered the package, Seth thought the box was a little small for the TV. Seth found that the package contained a Sig Sauer assault rifle. Seth called the police. At this time, neither Amazon or UPS are commenting.
Protect your Pro-gramming,
;-)

YUP, GOD DOES HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.

Budapest, Hungary (AP)
   Csanad Szegedi was a rising start in the ultra-conservative-right wing Jobbik Party.  Szegedi built his reputation in the party as Jew hater. Szegedi blamed the Jews for all of Hungary's woe. He claimed the Jews were buying up all the jobs and were desecrating Hungary's national symbols.
   Guess what, Szegedi is Jewish!!! His grandmother was an Auschwitz survivor and his grandfather a veteran of forced labor camps.  The Jobbik Party has since kicked Szegedi out. I betcha God isn't real happy with the Jobbik party either.
Protect your her-itage,
Rodger  B-P

THANK GOD HE HAD A "CHL". I KNOW I FEEL BETTER.

Sparks, Nev. (AP)
   A 56 year old man with a "CHL" was getting settled to watch "The Borne Legacy" at a local movie theater. His pistol fell out of his back pocket and discharged shooting the man in the butt. Tweet, outta the gene pool, report to sterilization.
Protect your movie,
Rodger ;-P

WILD GANG BREAKS KANGAROO OUT OF PARK.

Berlin (AP)
   An animal gang working together have broken out of a wild life park near Berlin.  Apparently a fox and a wild boar worked together to dig a hole big enough to allow two kangaroos to break out of the park under the fence. Yup, the animals have had enough of us humans and are starting to work together.
Protect your mam-mals,
Rodger ;-P

SNAKES SNEAK INTO SUBURBIA.

West Milford, New Jersey (AP)
   New York social studies teacher James Geist was relaxing and reading on his back deck. James saw a branch move which turned out to be a 15 ft. Albino Python.  4 days later a 10 ft. python showed up.  Mr. Geist is at a loss as to why pythons like his back yard or New Jersey for that matter.
Protect your rep-tiles,
Rodger ;-P