ZOMBIES STEP UP!!!!

Dupont, Mich. (AP)
When the Westboro Baptist Church sent 8 members to protest at the local joint military base, they were met by a crowd of 300 zombies. The zombies were slow but there numbers stopped the Westboro Baptist Church members.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)

EVER HEAR OF A BANK????

Sydney, Australia (AP)
   Man sells car for $15,000. Man decides to hide cash in rarely used oven. Wife decides to warm chicken nuggets in oven......  (Tweet, outta the gene pool, report to sterilization.)
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger  ;-P

IS VIRTUAL HELP REAL HELP?

Newark, New Jersey (AP)
  The Port Authority has paid $180,000 for a virtual computerized hologram customer service rep. at three air ports. Probably give the same kind of help as the human customer service rep's do, none. I guess "virtual none" is the same as "real none" but less expensive.
Protect your inform-ation,
Rodger ;-P

THEY WALK AMONG US!!!!

Wentworth, N.C. (AP)
    37-year-old Rodney Dwayne Valentine who'd just been released from jail in northern North Carolina was arrested again for refusing to leave the jail after authorities wouldn't give him a ride to a motel.
(Tweeeeet, outta the gene pool, report to sterilization!!!)
Protect your jail,
Rodger  ;-P

BEARS BRING BIG BUSINESS TO LOCAL MALL.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (AP)
   A second bear tries to shop at a local mall. Earlier, another bear was trying to shop at the Sears store but was tranquilized and removed.  These things wouldn't happen if there were more retail operations in the woods.
Protect your shop-ping,
Rodger ;-P

WELL DUH!!!!

San Jose, Ca (AP)
   After attending motivational speaker Tony Robbin's 4 day seminar, attendees proceeded to a park where 12 fire pits had been set up. After attempting to walk barefoot on the hot coals, 21 people were burned. 3 went to the hospital and the rest had 3rd and 2nd degree burns. (What's the phrase I'm looking for?  Oh yeah DUMB ASSES!!!!)
Protect your foots,
Rodger  ;-P

THEY WALK AMONG US.

Barrow County, Georgia (AP)
   Tonya Ann Fowler called 911 to complain about how her mug shot from a recent arrest looked. Miss Fowler now has a new mug shot.
Protect your image,
Rodger  ;-P

1000 PRIONERS MAKE SLOW SPEED ESCAPE!!!

Summerville, Ga. (AP)
   More than 1000 turtles escaped imprisonment at a Georgia turtle farm. Apparently the mob of mafia turtles had outside help. The massive gang of turtles arranged holes to be cut in the fence allowing the crowd to make a beeline for the local creeks and streams.
Protect your ponds,
Rodger ;-P

Terrorist Crows Strike in Washington State.

Edmonds, Washington (AP)
   Residents called police to investigate a suspicious powder in the middle of a local road. A jogger reported seeing a pair of crows dropping a bag of something on the road. Turned out to be flour. Must be a warning from the birds.
Protect your baking,
Rodger ;-)

ALWAYS READ LABEL INSTRUCTIONS!!!

Lake Elmo, Minn (AP)
   Rob Olson wanted to have his yard look nice for a charity fundraiser. Sooooo, Rob killed off all the grass in 40,000 square foot lawn. Yup, Mr. Olson sprayed 5 bottles of weed killer on his lawn to kill the weeds. Yup it worked, killed everything and will prevent regrowth for six months.
Protect your flora,
Rodger  ;-)

Lone pig hits bank.

Vienna, Austria (AP)
   Late at night surveillance cameras caught a wild pig breaking into a local bank. The porker prowler broke through the front door, cased the joint, and then left. The bank has increased security in case of a daylight porker pack robbery.
Protect your chops,
Rodger  ;-)

A little toooo privileged.

Lihue, Hawaii (AP)
   Attorney Lawerence McCreery has been convicted of licking a client's ear. (I have no idea what to say.)
Protect your parts,
Rodger ;-)

Wow, what about the tooth fairy??

Washington, D.C. (Reuters)
   NOAA's National Oceanic Service has announced that mermaids do not exist. Whew, glad we got that out of the way.
Protect your science,
Rodger ;-P

Dude, my urinal is talking!!!

Detroit, Michigan (AP)
   Talking urinal deodorizer cakes are being distributed to bars in Wayne County and Detroit.  When activated by a "stream", a woman voice advises the fellow peeing to call a friend or cab if too drunk to drive. I don't know if this will cut down on drunk driving, but someone is going to have to start mopping walls.
Protect your Pot-ty
Rodger  :-P

They walk among us.

New York, (AP)
   Crooks are stealing one shoe from a display in shoes stores and then stealing a matching shoe from a display at another store. Steal right shoe here and left shoe there.  Ok, that's way too much work and thought. Tweet, outta the gene pool report to sterilization.
Protect your foots,
Rodger ;-)

So many questions, so little time.

Keller, Texas (WFAA)
   A father and son were ordained together as Catholic priests in the same Mass.  Their proud wives were in the congregation watching.
Protect your faith,
Rodger B-P

Yup, we can handle that.

Salisbury, N.C. (AP)
   4 people upset over the quality of the drugs they just bought called to complain.  Deputy Naves was the one recieving the calls.  Deputy Naves sent two officers to meet the folks and "take care of the problem!!"  It's called dope for a reason.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger  ;-P