WELL ISN'T THAT JUST QUACKERS.

Madison, Wisconsin (AP)
   A Wisconsin legislator (State Representative Jacque) is introducing a bill (wait what?) to legalize duck races in Wisconsin.  (So who took the time to pass a bill making them illegal in the first place?  And why was that such a burning issue in the past?)
Protect your sport-s,
Rodger :-p

DUDE!! WHAT WAS THE LOCKER NUMBER?

Berlin, Germany (AP)
   Police in Cologne are trying to find the person who left several pounds of gold and six figures worth of Euros in a locker at the train station.  If the owner doesn't come forward soon, the small fortune will be sold. (And here is another reason not to be smoking pot when dealing with numbers.)
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger :-P

WHAT'S IN A NAME???

London, (AP)
   A British village wants to change the spelling of the village's name to the Welsh spelling, "Y Farteg." (Am I the only one seeing a problem with this?)
Protect your spell-ing,
Rodger :-P

A ZOO'S GOTTA DO WHAT A ZOO'S GOTTA DO.

Dallas, Texas (AP)
   The 23 year old gorilla Patrick, who is known for friendly relations with zoo staff, has been kicked out of the Dallas Zoo.  Apparently the female gorillas at the zoo didn't interest Patrick who did not form any relationship with any female gorilla.  Marriage was the only reason Patrick was there.  (Well there you go.  Anybody have any questions about old Patrick?   Didn't think so.)
Protect your independence,
Rodger :-P

WE DON'T HAVE ANY WHAT!!!??????

Caracas, Venezuela (Reuters)
   After continuing toilet paper shortages, the government has taken temporary control of a toilet paper factory.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger :-P

NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS AFTER MIDNIGHT

Murrysville, PA. (AP)
   At 1:30 AM, 55 year old  Thomas Marone (Moron?) was charged with DUI while carrying an open can of beer....... while riding a lawn mower. (Is it just me or is this offense becoming more common?  Do we need a driving license for lawn mowers?)
Protect your lawn,
Rodger :-P 

OOPS, MY BAD!!!!

Mesquite, Texas (NBCDFW)
   An off duty police officer was pulled over,...........by a fake police officer!  The fake officer took off avoiding capture.  (The dude should probably find a new hobby.)
Protect your coppers,
Rodger :-P

OOPSSSS!!!!! DAMN!!!!!

Bountiful, Utah (AP)
   A semi-truck carrying 72 tons of sand up a hill slipped out of gear.  When the driver tried to stop the rig rolling down the hill, the brakes failed.  The runaway hauler smashed through a retaining wall and crushed a new car sitting in a driveway.  Luckily a house stopped the truck before it could smash anymore cars! (So WTH was the driver doing?)
Protect your domicile, 
Rodger :-P  

SLIP SLIDING AWAY!!!

Amherst, Mass (AP)
   Amherst Regional School District has closed all six district schools because the floors are too slick.  Students from the high school and middle school in the Mount Greylock Regional School District were also dismissed because the floors were too slick.
No injuries have been reported.  However, students in sock feet proved to be a problem during passing periods.
Protect your tile,
Rodger  :-P

SO MANY QUESTIONS, SO LITTLE TIME.

Meyersdale, Pa (AP)
  A massive chicken manure spill has shut down a local playground.
Protect your ground,
Rodger :-p

PROBABLY SHOULD LET THE DOG DRIVE.

Boulder, Col. (AP)
   45 year old Patrick Schumacher was arrest by Boulder police for operating a horse under the influence in downtown Boulder.  When arrested, Pat had a small pug name Buford, several cans of beer and a black powder pistol in a backpack. Mr. Schumacher said he was traveling 600 miles from Larkspur, Col. to his brother's wedding in Bryce, Utah. Pat said he had lost his license and was having to travel by horseback. I pretty sure Mr. Schumacher has lost more than his license.
Protect your transport,
Rodger :-P

I BLAME LACK OF COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT

Oslo, Norway (Reuters),
   When a local school was vandalized, officials looked at the school's security tape to find the culprit. The tape revealed a mother moose and two calves.  The mother moose kicked in the glass front door. School officials state that neither calf was enrolled in the school and are unsure why the mother was upset.
Protect your facility,
Rodger :-P 

SPY BIRDS!!!

Cairo, Egypt (AP)
   Villagers turned over a bird to with an electronic device attempting to hide among other birds to government officials. Turned out to be a migratory tracking device and not a foreign bird infiltrator. (But what are they not telling us?  What do they know really?)
Protect your air space,
Rodger :-P

FRYSCRAPER

London, England (AP)
   Glare from a new skyscraper under construction in London melted the emblem, side mirror, and panel on a Jaguar. The contractor left a note on the owner's car to contact him. Probably need some "Caution Melt Your Car" zones.
Protect your space,
Rodger :-P