Now that's a police dress code boy.

Hanoi, Viet Nam (AFP)
Vietnamese police have been banned from wearing black sunglasses while on duty in public. Police, also, can no longer visit, smoke, or put their hands in their pockets while on duty in public. Ok, I'm good with the sunglasses and the chatting, but the hands in pocket thing is beginning to bother me. Oh well American cops never get out of their cars long enough to be "on duty in public."
Protect your assets,
Rodger  ;-)

Granny hand bag beat down!!!

Sydney, Austraila (AFP)
   A knife carrying thief was stopped from robbin and older lady by her 89 year old friend Jean. The robber held the knife to the throat of Jean's friend demanding money. Jean (fearing for the life of her friend) repeatedly smashed the robber in the face with her hand bag. "I would have killed him if I could," said Jean.  Remembering all the things my Grandmother carried in her handbag I can only imagine the damage.
Go Grannyyyyy,
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)

Truck driver turns into balloon.

Wellington, New Zealand (AP),
Truck driver falls butt first onto compressed air nozzle. At 100 lbs per square inch, the compressed air was forced into the man's body. I'm totally at a loss for words on this one. Frankly, the mind boggles.
Protect Ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)

Cell phone snitches on wanted man.

Bangor, Maine (AP)
Police arrest a man with out-standing warrents after his cell phone repeatedly dialed 911. While the fellow was doing yard work, his phone was "pocket dialing" 911.  I'm thinking the phone just wanted the Crime Stoppers reward. For now, the cell phone is in protective custody to stop any reprisals for "snitching."
Turn off your phones,
Rodger ;-)

Let me recheck my calculaitons.

Los Angels, Ca. (Reuters)
The Reverend Camp has indicated the he miscalculated the end of the world. The date should have been 10/21/2011 not 5/21/2011. Yup, he probably forgot to carry the five. Wonder how much he's going to make this time??
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

So much for my space walk.

Detroit, Michigan (AP)
Sign on a dust mask, "Caution, does not supply oxygen."
Soooooo many questions.
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Just be glad stocks have been out-lawed.

Danville, Ohio (AP)
Local judge sentenced a couple to wear life vests, stand in ankle deep water in a kiddie pool, and hand out water safety brochures on the street. The pair had been convicted of rafting on a closed, flood swollen river without life vests. In a related story, two folks are looking for a cure for wrinkly tootsies.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)

Want some bread with that contraband???

Santa Teresa, N.M. (AP)
Border agents discover 350# of contraband at boder. The contraband was found behind the seat of a pickup. The driver had stuffed 350# of bologna behind the seat. That's right friends, illicit balony smuggling!!  The level of illegal cold cuts is reaching epic proportions.
Protect your fridge,
Rodger ;-)

Flood refugee captured.

Jamestown, N.Y. (AP)
Police capture flood refugee trespassing in the yard of a residence.  The 3 ft. alligator was captured without too much violence.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)

Exploding Fruit!!!!

Beijing, China (AP)
Water melons are literally exploding in Chinese fields by the dozens. Apparently, the ballistic crop was caused by Chinese farmers overdosing with chemical growth additives during wet weather adding new meaning to the phrase "mine field."
Protect your fruit,
Rodger  ;-)

Yup, it's apparently that improtant.

Rome (AFP)
Four people were taken to the hospital after an arguement in a grocery store over how thick to slice ham. I think the issue was that the ham was being sliced too thick. The thickness of ham slices is more of a hot button issue in Italy than in the States.
Protect your pork,
Rodger ;-)

They walk among us and the numbers seem to be growing.

Martens Ferry, Ohio (AP)
Burglar breaks into convience store. Steals empty gum ball machine. Yep, that's it, just the machine. Nope nothing else.
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Anything to make a buck!!!!!

Prague, (AFP)
Zoo selling 2.2# containers of elephant poo for $3.90 per container. The zoo used to only sell the elephant poo on weekends. However, demand has increased so much that the zoo is considering selling the elephant poo on week days too.  (Wonder who thought selling elephant poo in Prague was a good idea to start with?)
Protect your assets,
Rodger  ;-)

Cell phones, marriage, and India. What are things that don't match?

New Delhi, (AFP)
The Indian state of Punjab has told Indian brides to reduce cell phone use the first two years of marriage.  Am I the only one that thinks this isn't going to happen?  The government is afraid that new husbands will be jealous of the cell phones. I'm thinking if she's talking on the phone, she isn't talking to me. Just kidding (maybe)
Protect your nuptials,
Rodger ;-)

Crime fighter gets curfew!!!

Wellington, New Zeland  (AFP)
John Bray volunteered as a citizens watch patrol officer. Authorities have told Mr. Bray that he cannot go on crime patrol after dark alone. Mr. Bray's partner kept falling asleep so Mr. Bray decided to go it alone until police told him he had to have a partner. Mr. Bray is 91.
Stay active,
Rodger ;-)

A fungus among us!!!

Biomed Central, Thailand (EurkAlert)
Researchers in Thailand have discovered the cause for zombie ants. The movies are correct.  Zombieism in ants is caused by the same thing that causes zombieism in humans, a fungus on the brain!!! Yup, shoot 'em in the head.  (Dude, how did the movies figure it out before the scientists!!!)
Protect your brains,
Rodger  ;-)

Guilty Conscience?

Rensselaer, N.Y. (AP)
21 year old man jumps into the 50 degree Hudson River to escape the police. Except the police weren't after him. The police did rescue the fellow however and have sent him to the School for Dumb Asses!!!!
Protect your ass----ets,
Rodger ;-)

Space aliens strike back?

Norwich, Conn. (AP)
2,500 tires mysteriously appear on city property behind a resturant. The suddenly appearing  pile of tires contained new, used, and discarded tires. As of now, no one has seen anything. (Cue spooky music, ok bring Rod Serling in.)
Protect your tires,
Rodger ;-)

One more reason that I avoid parks.

Berling (Reuters)
A man taking a short cut through a park mistakenly walked into a women's prison and got locked in. Apparently, one cannot tell a park from a prison in Germany. Must be that both words start with "P"! Or, Germany has some really nice prisons or awfully bad parks.
Pay attention,
Rodger ;-p

Gator feeling frisky!!!

Gainsville, Fla. (AP)
This time of year bull (male) alligators get real frisky. Apparently, a 10ft alligator made a pass at a deputy sheriff's patrol car by taking a bite out of the car's bumper.  (Hey good looking, I like your red and blue eyes.)
Protect your bumper,
Rodger ;-)

Old and sneaky usually wins.

Hong Kong, (AFP)
81 year old man fights off a gang of 8 teen muggers sending some to the hospital. (Old people are sneaky and don't fight fair.)
Protect your Grandpa,
Rodger  ;-)

Grease rustlers running rampant.

Omaha, Neb. (Reuters)
Rustlers are hitting cafes and fast food operations. These folks are stealing used fryer grease. Striking at night, the rustlers steal the grease and boot leg the stuff to bio-diesel operations. Yup, the price of fuel has gotten that high.  (Hey buddy, want to buy some hot grease?  No, not that kind of hot!!!!!)
Protect your greasy ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)