Firefighters get it stuck to them twice!!!!

Pittsburgh, Pa (AP)
   Firefighters report to city hall for flu shots as ordered. While inside, their fire trucks were ticketed for parking in an unauthorized zone!!!!
Protect your asssssss-ets,
Rodger ;-P

All in the timing.

Colorado Springs, Col (AP)
    Fellow meets a lady on line. The fellow invites lady to his apartment. Fellow's girl friend shows up unexpectedly. Date shows up. Fellow calls police and reports the date is a burglar. Fellow is in jail and two ladies are waiting for him to get out. Fellow probably shouldn't expect any kisses.
Protect your dumb ass-ets,
Rodger  ;-P

Dude, how did you get stuck in there????

Laguna Hills, Ca. (AP),
   After hearing screams and cries for help, folks in a park called police. The police arrived and freed a man who was stuck up to his chest inside a hollow tree. As of this writing, the man has offered no reason for being inside the hollow tree to start with.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-P

Now that's a hamburger.

South Gate, Maryland (AP)
   Millie's Sports Bar & Grill has created a 338# hamburger combo. Yup comes with fries and a coke. The burger stands 3 ft. tall and costs $2000. Finally, somebody has come up with a real combo. Where's my niacin.
Protect your arteries,
Rodger  ;-P

I think they got this one wrong.

Minden, Nev. (AP)
   35 year old Justin Harris was getting married. Justin's 56 year old mom kept objecting to the wedding and wouldn't let the ceremony continue. Justin carried his 56 year old mom out of the church and then got married. Justin is now facing charges!!!!  Well there you go.
Protect your ceremony,
Rodger ;-)

Yes it is real!!!!

London, England (BBC)
   1 in 5 British women believe that a "man flu " causes men to lay on the couch all day and watch sports on TV is a real disease. Yup, I've been telling the Queen for years that this illness exists!!!
Protect your remote,
Rodger ;-P

The police must really be embaressed.

Los Angeles, Ca. (Reuters)
   The police department had 30 MP5 submachine guns and M1911 pistols....stolen.....from a warehouse...... on the police shooting range!!!! A police spokesman said that the weapons had been altered to only fire blanks and were no threat. (If the guns were altered, then they can be un-altered. Dumb ass!!!)
Protect your arsa-nel,
Rodger ;-)

A whole new meaning for home improvement.

Everett, Washington (AP)
  A 43 year old woman was charged with attacking her sleeping husband with a power saw. She told police she was after an attacker that had escaped through her daughter's window. Ok, I'm confused too. But apparently the police and judge weren't the woman is in jail with a $250,000 bond.
   The husband is healing from wounds to the neck and shoulder.
Protect your nap time,
Rodger ;-P

Will it ever end???

Pueblo, Col. (AP)
   The Colorado state championship goat has failed a drug test!! The goat indicated that he knew nothing and some human must have slipped him something.
Protect your live-stock,
Rodger ;-P

Now that's a water hazardd!!!!

Sydney, Australia (AP)
   After recent floods, a golf course in Sidney found their pond full of sharks. The goblin sharks seem happy and folks are buying more golf balls than usual.
Replace your divots,
Rodger ;-P

Does that work???

Roswell, New Mexico (AP)
   Ms Anamicka Davis put an add in Craig's List personal section for pot. The add stated was new in town and wanted to meet "Mary Jane."  Ms. Davis did not get to meet "Mary Jane." Ms. Davis, however, did get to meet some other folks.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger  ;-)

Finally, a study that make sense!!!!

Stockholm, Sweden (Reuters)
  A Swedish study of 3,000 shows that consuming chocolate reduces strokes!!!!  The more chocolate one eats the lower the chances of strokes!!!!  I don't see anything wrong with this study, except the women part, oh yeah, and chocolate is a big Swedish export. But other than those two things, I think we are good to go.
Protect your sweets and sweety,
Rodger B-).

Want do you expect from a town named Bushkill.

Bushkill, Pa (AP)
    Jason Frey says he shot a deer and tracked it on to the property of Anthony Contino.  Contino told Frey that the deer and had been shot earlier by a friend and left (????). The two got into it along with some friends and two folks were hospitalized. I wonder what happened to the deer??
Protect your assets,
Rodger  ;-)

Always look both ways.

Williston, Fla. (AP)
   27 year old Michael Wayne was standing in line at the local Kangaroo Quick Stop. When Michael's turn at the counter came up, dear old Mike grabbed a jar containing $35.78 and tried to run. Standing behind Michael in line was Sgt. Dietrich of the County Sheriffs Dept. Sgt. Dietrich grabbed old Michael!!!  Michael must have been a little tooooo focused.
Protect your Crock-ery
Rodger  ;-)

They walk among us.

Geneva, (Reuters)
  A 28 year old driver decided to see how fast his Bentley would go. The fellow got his car up too 320 k/h about three times over the legal limit. Well this young genuis recorded the whole thing on his phone to impress his friends.
  6 months later the police was questioning the young fellow in another case and checked his phone. Yup, found the recording which should the speed and the section of road. And of course the recording was time and date stamped by the phone!!!!!!  Tweeeeet outta the gene pool, report to sterilization.
Don't pull a Nixon,
Rodger

For the friendly reader with the "gun lovers" question.

Yes the ashes can be loaded into shot gun shells. The average human body's ashes will fill a box of 12 guage shells.

Must have been the wrong place at the wrong time.

Abington, Mass. (AP)
   The Chairman of the School Committee started off the meeting in a strange way. The Chairman, an amateur magician, seemed to rip the bra from inside the clothes of another committee member. The magic trick was met with stunned silence by the audience.
Get a second opinion,
Rodger ;-P

That's sending them off with a bang.

Mobile, Alabama (Reuters)
   Firm loads ammo with the ashes of dead gun lovers. I don't understand either.
Protect your am-mo,
Rodger ;-P

The "I can't remember" defense never worked for me either.

London, (Reuters)
   The wife of a Member of Parliament was found guilty of stealing a cat from her husband's girl friend. The wife was video taped crawling into the apartment and taking the cat. The lady pleaded innocent saying that she didn't remember anything. Well there you go, didn't work for me either.
Protect your pets,
Rodger  ;-)