Makes sense to me.

Beirut, Lebanon (AP)
   Beriut citizens tired of tire burning protests blocking traffic, blocked traffic with their own tires. However, these tires were painted many different colors with banners saying "We Are Tired."
Protect your speech,
Rodger ;-)

I guess if it's on a computer it's ok.

Burleson, Texas
   My computer just sent me a notice that I was online and available to chat whith myself if  I wanted to. Thanks, good to know.
Protect your sanity,
Rodger

Probably needs a mental evaluation.

Portland, Ore. (AP)
    Raymond Knudson, 50, robbed a bank of $425 and then drove straight to the police station and turned himself. Old Ray said a PBS special on the Great Depression made him do it.
Protect your mind,
Rodger ;-)

Whew, this one had me worried!!!

Providence, Rhode Island (AP)
   The state legislature has repealed the law that makes lying on the internet a misdemanor punishable by a $500 fine. (Thank God, we would all be broke by now.)
Protect your fabric-ations,
Rodger ;-P

Ooo, ooo, that smell.

Vienna, Austria (AP)
   Border police stopped three overloaded and sagging delivery vans at the border.  The police officers could smell the contraband before they even opened the doors. Pot, right?  Nope, 9.5 tons of stolen......garlic!!! The police arrested 5 Hungarian suspects. Man, I didn't even know there was a market for "hot" garlic. Must be hittin' up all the Hungarian pizza joints to see if they need to score.
Protect your her-bs,
Rodger ;-P

Portly Pakistan Police Put on Pot belly notice.

Islamabad, Pakistan (Reuters)
   Cops in Pakistan's most populous province are the target of a weight loss order.  After news reports and videos of the portly police force flooded the air waves, the protectors of law and order have been ordered to reduce waist lines to the required 38".  In a related story, Texas Sheriff Departments are sending observers to asses the program's success.
Protect your pot-belly,
Rodger  ;-)

Yup, sounds like a peanut addict.

Lorain, Ohio (AP)
   For the past few months a fellow has been coming to a gas station store and stealing peanut butter cups.  Clerks estimate between $400 and $600 dollars worth of peanut butter cups have been stolen.  The clerks seem unable to catch the fellow.
Protect your pea-nuts,
Rodger ;-)

Hey, talk to my GPS.

Uxbridge (now this is a strange name for a town), Mass (AP)
    A woman claims that her GPS system gave her the wrong directions and that's why she drove onto a golf course and into a sand trap.  Apparently, the GPS system told the lady to turn left through a corn field and onto the golf course (probably looking for a short cut to the club house).  Officers believe alchol may be involved.
Protect your elec-tronics,
Rodger ;-)

How does one fence a hot tooth pick???

Athens, Ga  (AP)
   Police are looking for the person or persons who stole 400k toothpicks values at $3,000.  Not a lot of forks in some one's family tree boy.
Protect your assets,
Rodger

Wrong deli sandwhich is not a crime.

East Hartford, Conn. (AP)
   Rother McLennon called 911 because a deli made his sandwich wrong. Rother told the dispatcher he wanted his sandwich remade.  The dispatcher told Rother not to buy the sandwich. Well there you go "serve and protect."
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)

Quick Spot, bring a match!!!

Lilly, Pa (AP)
  John Saparo accused his dog of setting a fire in his apartment. The police have arrested Saparo for arson. As of this post, the dog has made no comment.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)

Flaming poopy paper propelled from truck blocks road.

Perrysburg, Ohio, (AP)
   A tractor trailer rig carrying a load of toilet paper caught fire. The resulting Charmin bonfire blocked the road as rolls of flaming poopy paper propelled from the moving trailer. Most of the toilet paper was either burned or wet from the fire hoses spraying the rolls with water.
Protect your toil-et,
Rodge ;-)

Damn, that's cold.

Glasgow, Mont. (AP)
   Ray Dolin was hitchhiking across the United States gathering information for his upcoming book, Kindness in America. Ray was shot in the arm by a passing motorist. Ray is expected to recover with no problems. Be sure and keep an eye out for Ray's new book, Assholes with Guns.
Protect your sour-ces
Rodger ;-)

Is any place safe (for a person in a chicken suit)?

Manchester, Conn. (AP)
    A man dressed in a chicken suit was located outside a renovated Boston Market. The man in the chicken suit was dancing and waving an American flag to advertise the new Market.  A car pulled up and a man jumped out and stole the flag.  Yeah, I know, who would have thought?
Protect your chick-en
Rodger ;-)

Now if this defence works, I'm using it.

New London, Conn. (AP)
   Winston Riley attempted to rob a woman at knife point.  Mr. Riley and the woman were in the elevator of the Mohegan Sun Casino.  Mr. Riley's defense is that he was sleepwalking.  Might work. Just sayin'.
Protect your slum-bur,
Rodger ;-P

They walk among us.

Ann Arbor, Mich. (AP)
   Fellow breaks into a house and steals a laptop. Thief goes on line with laptop bragging about the theft and how he's going to pawn the laptop. Laptop takes picture of thief. Sends picture to security firm.  Security firm sends picture to police, busted!!!! Tweet, outta the gene pool.
Protect your pro-grams,
Rodger  ;-)

Too many numbers in address book.

Santa Maria, California (AP)
   Carlos Ecobedo sent a text message trying to set up a drug deal.  Carlos' supplier John Silvera was in on the deal and was going to be at the meet.  However, Carlos had mistakenly been sending his text messages to a police officer. Yeah, you got the rest.  Tweet!!!  Outta the gene pool.
Protect your con-tacts,
Rodger ;-P

A new meaning for drive through.

Huber Heights, Ohio (AP)
   Mike Smith (23) placed his order at the drive through of his local Taco Bell.  Mike discovered his Taco was not in the bag. Angry, Mike drove his truck through the glass window. Police followed a fluid trail to Mike's home. Now Mike has a jump suit but no taco.
Protect your order,
Rodger ;-)