DIDN'T NOTICE THAT SOMEONE STOLE HIS GRASS?

Vienna, Austria (AP)
   A farmer has reported to local police that one of his fields of grass was stolen.  Somebody in the last three weeks came out and mowed the field of grass worth about 3000 euros.  The grass is used for fodder. (Ha, gotcha. They are talking about "hay.")
Protect your fod-der,
Rodger :-P

YEAH, THAT'S NOT GOOD.

Berlin, Germany (AP)
   While returning from his honeymoon, a German groom forgot his bride at a gas station. After 2 1/2 hours on the road, the groom realized that he was alone in the car (????) and called police.  The police informed the fellow that his new wife was waiting "patiently" for him back at the gas station. (Begging probably is going to work all that good dude.)
Protect your nup-tials,
Rodger :-P 

ANIMALS FIGHTING BACK!!

Estherville, Iowa (AP)
  A squirrel vandal has attacked a math professor's bicycle chewing through the tires, seat, tail light and head light. A security photo caught the squirrel in the act.  Police have been unable to capture the squirrel as the local squirrel population claims to know nothing about the incident.  The Iowa Lakes Community College math professor is now parking his bicycle indoors.
Protect your ride,
Rodger :-P
 

THEY WALK AMONG US!!!!

London (AP)
   Rather than admit he had forgotten to book the venue for his wedding, Neil McArdle called in a fake bomb threat to cover his mistake. Yup Neil is going to do a year in jail.  The wedding is probably off too. TWEEET, OUTTA THE GENE POOL!!!!  REPORT TO STERILIZATION!!!
Protect your nup-tials,
Rodger :-P

EAT MOR CHIKEN!!!

Buenos Aires, Argentina (Reuters)
   Argentine scientists have figured out how to "harvest" cow "burps" and extract the methane/natural gas.  Now we  will have dairy farms, feed lots, and belch ranches.
Protect your bodily gases,
Rodger :-P

SO MUCH FOR THE NEIGHBORHOOD CAR POOL.

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia (Reuters)
   Conservative Moslem cleric says that women who drive risk damaging their ovaries and having children with clinical problems because of the driving. (I wonder how this works out.  Probably goes in the same drawer with "women who get raped can't get pregnant unless they want to.")
Protect your tran-sport,
Rodger :-P

AND THEN THEY JUST DISAPPEARED

New York (Reuters)
   New York police are searching for two men captured on a security cam.  The two men were videoed before dawn walking away from Manhattan clad in helmets, black jump suits, and carrying parachutes.  (Bond, James Bond.)
Protect your chutes,
Rodger :-p

THEY WALK AMONG US AND SOME REPRODUCE

Sparta, New Jersey (AP)
   Nicholas Delear Jr. mistakenly sent a text message to a police officer to set up a drug deal. It's called dope for a reason. (Tweet outta the gene pool, report to sterilization.)
Update your con-tacts,
Rodger :-P