SHOULDN'T THAT BE ORDERING WHILE INTOXICATED?

Harris County, Texas (KHOU-11)
  Jack in the Box employees called police about a pickup blocking their drive through. Sheriff Deputies arrived at 3:30 AM to find a fellow passed out in the truck. When the Deputies woke the gentleman up he tried to fight (dumb ass). The pickup driver is now charged with DWI, resisting arrest, assault of a police officer and being a chronic dumb ass. (Nothing good ever happens after midnight.)
Protect your fast-food,
Rodger :-P

SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BED.

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (Reuters)
   Talk about a bad day. The propeller on Brian Nicholson's plane fell off while in flight.  Brian was forced to land on a stretch of the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Mr. Nicholson was charged $3000 by the Turnpike Authority to tow the plane off the highway.  Mr. Nicholson is upset over the $3000. (Man, I'd be wondering how the freaking prop FELL OFF!!!)
Protect your fly-ing,
Rodger :-P

THE DANGER FACTOR DEPENDS ON THE HOT SAUCE.

Oklahoma City (AP)
   A man found a Thermos-like container with foil sticking out on his front lawn. The container was heavy and the man thought it was a bomb.  Sooooo he took it to the police station where the bomb squad examined the package.  The package contained a burrito.  For some reason, the suspicious burrito has disappeared from the evidence room. (Note:  If you think you have found a bomb, DO NOT TAKE IT TO THE POLICE!!!!  Call the police and let the BOMB SQUAD COME TO THE SUSPECTED BOMB!!)
Protect your cuisine,
Rodger :-P

DUDE, HAVE YOU SEEN MY BAG?????

New Delhi, India (AP)
   Cleaners found 2 bags of gold worth $1.1 million stashed in an airplane lavatory.  Apparently some one was trying to smuggle gold into India.  India is one of the world's largest consumers of gold. (Damn, and all the U.S. has is pot smugglers.)
Protect your stash,
Rodger :-P
 

THATS A FAIL, RIGHT?

Point Magu, California (Christian Science Monitor)
  A U.S. Navy drone used to test ships' radar and defensive armament struck the USS Chancellorsville on Saturday afternoon.  Naval investigators are checking to see why the drone malfunctioned. (Sounds to me like they need to check why the radar and anti-aircraft systems malfunctioned!!!)
Protect your defense,
Rodger  :-P 

ALWAYS BLAMING THE BEARS!!

Golden, Col. (AP)
   Bob Monzel discovered that his car had been vandalized. The seat cushions were destroyed, the doors and dash board were smashed and electrical wiring was torn from the roof.  Mr. Monzel blamed bears for vandalizing his Honda Element. (Something sounds fishy to me.  I think Bob wanted a different car and just blamed bears for the destruction in order to collect the insurance.)
Protect your reputation,
Rodger :-P

MAN, INSULT TO INJURY!!

Deming, New Mexico (Reuters)
   David Eckert was pulled over because he failed to come to a full stop exiting a Wal~Mart.  Because of the way David was standing, police suspected David had drugs up his anus. After obtaining a search warrant, Police took Mr. Eckert to Gila Regional Medical Center where he was subjected to a digital penetration of his anus, 3 enemas, 2 X-rays, and one colonoscopy.  No drugs were found and Gila Regional Medical Center is charging Mr. Eckert for the procedures!!! (Not even a kiss!!!!)
Protect your anus (and stand straight),
Rodger  :-P

WELL THAT BLOWS!!

Chula Vista, California (AP)
  A man is being held by Chula Vista Police after he allegedly attacked a taxi cab with a didgeridoo.  The man was upset over the fair for the taxi. Police said the fellow entered his home and returned with a didgeridoo with which he struck and dented the cab.
Protect your trans-port,
Rodger :-P

THEY WALK AMONG US!!!

Rocklin, California (CBS)
   Thieves steal credit card from car. Thieves buy $120.00 worth of food at Carl's Burgers.  Thieves get employee to take picture of the food, the thieves and their car. One thief posts picture on Instagram. Manager calls police.  Well, you can figure out the rest.  Tweeeeet, outta the gene pool, report to sterilization.
Protect your credit and your Carl's,
Rodger  :-P

WELL THAT'S JUST NUTS.

Escalon, California (AP)
   Authorities are looking for a thief that stole 140,000 pounds of nuts. The hot nuts (snicker) are worth about $400,000. The price of walnuts has risen on the legal market to about $2.00 a pound.  I'm not sure what the price is for hot nuts currently on the underground market.
Protect your nuts,
Rodger :-P

THIS CAN'T BE GOOD!!

Cape Canaveral, Florida (AP)
  The Hubble space telescope has spotted a comet with 6 tails!!  The comet is between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter and the tails keep changing shape.  Scientists have no explanation for this phenomena.  (I do, ALIEN SPACE CRAFT!!!)
Protect your space patrol (do we have a space patrol?),
Rodger :-P 

WE HANG RUSTLERS FRIEND.

Redland, California (AP)
   43 year old Robert Trytten was arrested for trying to sell rustled cow........... costumes.  Robert was trying to sell the rustled cattle costumes on Craig's list for $350 each when an undercover cop showed up to buy the rustled costumes.  (What can I say?)
Protect your critter costumes,
Rodger :-P

THEY WALK AMONG US!!!

Glendale, Arizona (AP),
   Police were investigating an attempt to steal copper wire from a truck.  The thief was unsuccessful and left his severed finger in the roll of wire.  Police matched the finger print to one Josh Goverman.  The 29 year old claimed he had severed his finger while working on a car and had no idea how it came to be caught up in the copper wire.  Goverman has been booked on suspicion of theft and being a dumb ass!!!
Protect your wires,
Rodger :-P