They didn't get to be that old by losing!!!!

New Castle, Pa. (AP)
Two thieves grabbed the purse of an old lady. Her 89 year old friend went after them with her cane. They jumped into a car, but, before they were able to get away, the 89 year old attacked the car and dented the trunk with her cane.  Later the police captured the two after indentifying the car because of the dents. Man, just don't mess with old people. They got to be old by being tough!!!
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger  ;-)

Don't think the dude is going to show.

Gerogetown, Mass (AP)
Michael Wylie received a jury summons. Old Michael did not show so a bench warrent was issued. The court constables and police began a search to serve Michael the warrent (must not be much to do in Georgetown.). At any rate, the odds of Michael serving on a jury or recieving the warrent are pretty slim. Michael Wylie has been dead for five years!!
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger  ;-)

Animals fighting back!!!

Everett, Washington (AP)
   Everytime police officers walk out of the station and to their patrol cars they get dive bombed by crows. One officer tried to scare them away with his siren. The crows organized into squadrons and began poop runs on that particular car. I'm thinking, park somewhere else guys. But that's just me
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)

They walk among us, the case for mandatory sterilization.

Boulder, Col. (AP)
Police report a woman went into a port a potty, lifted the lid, and found a man hiding in the tank. Police responded but the fellow had "slipped" away. No, I don't know why he was hiding in the tank. Should have called out the poop hounds. When they catch him, tweet outta the gene pool, report to sterilization!!!!
Protect your ass-ets where ever you are.
Rodger B-p

I'm telling you, they ARE real.

Florence, Ky (AP)
   A road sign in Kentucky started reading "Nightly lane closures, zombies ahead."  Well there you go, they are finally starting to move out of Arizonia.
Protect your assets,
Rodger  ;-p

How does that even work?

Normally I don't post on this sort of thing, but this is just toooooo, funny.
London (Reuters),
 A British medical company is likely to recieve product marketing approval from the E.U. for its ERECTION-BOOSTING CONDOM!! Why has this taken soooo long? I can see the U.S. infomercials now. Why is John smiling? Because John has bought a case of King Kong Kondoms!!!! That's right, you too could be the owner of a taaaaaaallllll skyscraper. (I gotta stop, I'm embaressing myself.)
Protect your   ????????,
Rodger B>)

What people throw away.

Cininnati, Ohio (AP)
A garbage truck driver emptied a garbage bin out side of a resturant. Then the driver notice a 6 ft. python on top of his truck. Several questions come to mind, what kind of resturant was it? How did a 6 ft. python come to be wandering the streets of Cininnati. What idiot thought you could just "throw away" a python.
Protect your ass-etssssssss,
Rodger  B-)

Now here's a challenge to pet rocks and slinkies.

Tokyo (AFP)
Now here is what we were all waiting for. Cat ears controlled by human brain waves. That's right you too can wear a pair of cute cat ears and control their wiggling with your brain waves. Yes, cute and dorky at the same time. Next on the list is a brain wave controlled cat's tail. Well I'm sure y'all can go on from here. As P.T. Barnum said, "there's a sucker born every minute." Although I believe the time rate has reduced to 45 seconds.
Protect your pet's ass-ets,
Rodger ;-p

Dude, have you seen my house?

Ottawa, Canada (AFP)
Fellow came home to find that his 45 ft., double-wide, pre-fabricated, 10 year old, house had been stolen. Yup took it right out of the flower beds and the deck. Police found the "pre-fabricated structure" a short distance away on another fellow's property. Now this fellow had fake papers saying the double wide was his. The police arrested the thief but are at a loss to explain how the house had been stolen.
 Really???  How about a truck? Yet, one should not rule out MAGIC.  And nobody noticed this was happening???
Protect your  ass-ets,
Rodger ;-p

So how far did you get in school????

Burleson, Texas (fb)
A friend walked into Starbucks. They asked her if she wanted coffee???????  Possible answers, "no this is a hold-up.", " no I was looking for my long lost dog.", " nope, give me a double meat, double cheese Whataburger all the way and a diet coke."
Protect your ass-ets.
Rodger  B-p

Do they have a lot of thuderstorms in Iraq and Afghanistan??

Jackson, Mississippi (Reuters)
77 Air Force ROTC candidates have been hospitalized at Camp Shelby. The candidates were on a two week training sesstion to prepare them for duty in Iraq and Afghanistan. A thunder storm rolled in and (yup, you know what's coming next.) 77 ROTCers were hit by a bolt of lightening. None were fataly injured. Several things come to mind. ....sense enough to come in out of the rain, ....no thuderstorms in the desert.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger  ;-)

Animals fighting back.

Anchorage, Alaska (Reuters)
   In Dutch Harbor, a pair of eagles have taken to attacking customers as they walk into the local post office. Apparently, the eagles are upset over the U.S. Postal Service using an eagle as their logo. Or, maybe, because they are nesting on a near by cliff. At any rate; Eagles-27, Post office-0.
Protect your eaglets,
Rodger  ;-P

And we are back!!!!

Well folks, for better or worse, I'm back.
Hyannis, Mass. (AP)
   Three masked men armed with knives and a hatchet demanded that a donut shop employee hand over a bag they believed carried the day's store recipts. The bag did in fact carry dough, dough nuts!!!! The three mental giants were also caught on video tape and soon arrested. Just to show you, they do walk among us.
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Wal-mart of weed???

Good day loyal readers. I'm going to be out of my normal routine for awhile, so posts will erratic for some time. But I'll be back.

Phoenix, Arizonia (Reuters)
 Super medical marijuana super store to open. Dubbed the Walmart of weed. I can hear it now. "Attention Walmart shoppers................what? Oh yeah, sorry forgot, attention Walmart shoppers..............What? I thought I gave the announcement. Are you sure?  Ok attention (dude, where are we now?)"
Protect your assets,
Rodger

Lost your head? It may have been found.

Washington, Pennsylvania (AP)
Police found a severed horses head in the ally of a heavily populated part of the town. Police aren't sure where the rest of the horse is. Police are checking local cafes, just kidding, maybe.
Protect your assets,
Rodger.