Time-out, I'm waiting at the drive through!!!!

Northern Royaloak, Ohio (AP)
DUI suspect forces officer to wait while she picks her food up at a drive through. (What, was she threatening to squirt ketchup on him and get his uniform messy? Force how?)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Chair theft!!!

Buffalo, New York (AP)
Police handcuffed suspect to a chair. Suspect escapes. Suspect now charged with flight to avoid and theft of the chair. (Tweet, outta the gene pool.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Another reason I don't like doggy doors!!!

Palmetto, Fla. (AP)
Woman finds alligator in her bathroom. (Bet that caused a mess.) Apparently, the alligator came into the house through the doggy door. (Wonder where the dog is? Funny, now coyotes don't seem all that bad.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Hey buddy, want a good deal on a wig??

Chicago (AP)
In response to the world wide shortage of human hair, burglars break into a beauty supply house and steal a large quantity of human hair. Congress really should investigate the rising spike in human hair instead of gasoline. Hair is where the real problems are located. (Tweet, outta the gene pool!!)
Protect your rugs,
Rodger ;-)

Wet track racing???/

Tacoma, Washington (AP)
Complaints have stopped a local bar from hosting gold fish racing. I'm really not sure how this would work or why the races would be a problem unless the gold fish had been racing in the street. I know hooligan gold fish have been a problem in the past.
Protect your assets,
Rodger  ;-)

The toilet of the future is here now.

New, York (yahoo/news)
Plumbing fixture giant Kohler has come out with a 21st century toilet. The new unit called the "Numi" is equipped with surround sound, adjustable seat, motion sensors and a REMOTE CONTROL.  (Remote control what????)
Protect your Assets,
Rodger ;-)

Y'all know how candles work, right?

Washington (AP)
7 million candles being recalled because of fire risk.  (Ok, stay with me here. Take a match, strike it. Now you have a flame. Bring the flaming match next to the candle's wick and light the candle. Now, the candle has a flame. Yo (((((CANDLES ARE ALWAYS A FIRE RISK, THEY ARE CANDLES YOU IDIOTS!!!)))))))
Protect your dumb ass...ets,
Rodger B-P

Nope, he doesn't need a license.

Berlin, Germany (AFP)
23 year old caught speeding 3 times in 23 minutes. A local police officer commented that the young fellow wasn't very attached to his drivers license. (Well  there you go.)
Protect your license,
Rodger ;-P

Do they have enough room to kick???

Hong Kong (AFP)
Hong Kong Airlines is training all crews in kung fu. (So, how's that gonna work in the aisle of an airplane or in the cockpit???? I've watching kung fu movies and I don't think there's enough room.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

When humans fight back!!!

Phoenix, (AP)
Man caught by police dog bites the dog back!!  Then sues for violation of his civil rights. (Time we humans started biting back boy!!!)
Protect your ass.....ets,
Rodger ;-)

When animals fight back!!!!

New Orleans (krld)
Feral Chickens (that's right chickens!!) becoming a problem in neighborhoods and in some cases attacking people.(Must have formed an alliance with the feral hogs.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

They walk among us!!!!

Charlotte, N.C. (AP)
Police arrest burglary suspect arrested after officers find a t-shirt with his picture on it at the scene. (Tweet, outta the gene pool, report to sterilization.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-}

So many questions, so little time.

Rochestor, N. H. (Reuters)
Police looking for woman who shop-lifted 14 live lobsters. (Ok, where did she put them?)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Gotta go???? Try Handi-John.

Geneva, Switzerland (AFP)
Well the French have come up with the answer for gotta go. A French company has released their new "unfoldable, biodegradable, portable toilet." That 's  right gotta go? Then just unfold and go!!! (Jimmy, unfold a toilet for your little brother he's "gotta go.")
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

And the lion shall lay down with the lamb.

Buffalo, New York. (AP)
A buck deer has been standing guard over a nesting goose for the last 4 days in a cemetery. When cemetary workers try to approach the goose, the buck positions himself between the nest and the workers. Workers have been unwilling to challenge the buck's intentions. (What can I say, amazing.)
Protect your nests,
Rodger ;-)

It's all about safety!!!

Mesquite, Texas (CBS11)
Police officer uses pepper spray to subdue baby squirrel. (I blame the parents. If squirrels taught their babies to respect the police, this sort of thing wouldn't be necessary.  Luckily, the police officer escaped injury.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

No, I was off, honest. I wan't on duty.

London, U.K. (Reuters)
Burglars break in and steal uniforms and radios from a ...... British police station. (Talk about some red face.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Naked justice?

Huningtondon, Pa. (AP)
Judge removed from bench after being caught trying to enter a female judge's room wearing only a sheet. (Probably had something to hide.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Don't tell my wife about this one.

London (Reuters)
Scientists develop low gas diet for sheep and cattle. (Kinda takes the fun out of  it, huh?)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Geez guys, get another hobby.

San Diego, (AP)
75 year old man stabs 69 year old neighbor over cats. (Dadgum, volunteer at the food bank or something.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)