Make it a combo?

Rockhill, S. C. (AP)
Mechanic finds cheeseburger and a pickle inside the gas tank of a woman's car which had stopped running. (Wow, what can I say.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Was this for grade?

Crestview, Fla. (AP)
Fla. deputy shoots self is leg during training exercise at shooting range. (I hope he gets a do over.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

So many, many questions!!!!

Westminster, Md. (AP)
Man convicted of stealing a library's tarantula. (Why does a library have a tarantula? Why steal it? How many tarantulas are in Maryland?)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Nature or an editorial?

St. Louis, (AP)
Pigeon poop attacks stop Kings of Leon concert. Bass player seemed to be main target.  ( Now what does that say about music?)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

They Walk Among Us!!!!!

Springfield, Mo. (AP)
Three women ate at a Waffle House. They then slipped out without paying their bill.  They left their purses. (Tweeet, outta the gene pool!!!!)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Man, things are tough all over.

Midwest City, Oklahoma (Reuters)
Woman desperate for money robs a McDonalds wearing a white stretch girdle for a mask. (I gotta admit, this one is new to me. Wonder what size?)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

That's what he said.

Blackman Township, Mich. (AP)
An elderly woman was "surprised" to find a 2 lb. package of marijuana in her mailbox. ( Probably thought it was a spice or sumpin'. How'd she know it was marijauna?)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Wow, I guess this does happen all over.

Beijing, China (Reuters),
Chinese police beat official's wife by mistake.  (Yup, need to check I. D. before beating someone.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Wow, aren't the airlines already taking enough money?

Paris, (Reuters)
Air France attendant charged with robbery.  Apparently, the lady stole thousands of euros in cash, credit cards, and jewelry while passengers were sleeping. (Oh yes, if you would like a secure seat that will be a 15% sir charge.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Not every one belongs in the stock market.

Mumbai, India (AFP)
An Indian court has ruled that Hindu gods may not trade in stocks and shares.  (Must be an insider, prior knowledge thing.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger :-)

Probably should rething career choice.

Dallas, Texas (NBCDFW)
Police officer accidently shoots Rookie Cop on his fourth day at work. (The mind boggles on this one.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Does she still have to pay the bill?

Vienna, Austria (Reuters)
Power company tells customer she is dead. (I suspected that "power" companies had a bit too much power.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

So do the prayers still count?

Jakarta (Reuters)
Indonesian Muslims learned Friday that they have been praying in the wrong direction. (Apparently, they have been praying towards Kenya and not Mecca.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger  ;-)

What the heck is going on in Germany.

Berling (AFP)
Llama jumps fence and blocks German roadway. (Ok, crocs and llamas in Germany. Things are gettin' strange in Germany.0
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Wait, what? What? They what? Must be zero tolerance.

Santa Anna, Calif. (AP)
Police jail woman for sending threatening text messages........... to herself. (No means no!!!)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

This could work on all military bases.

London (Reuters)
Bio-fuel pellets from horse manure will be used to power the new barracks of the Royal Horse Artillery. (Now, we need to make pellets from human manure.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Getting a little common there lately.

Berlin, (AFP)
Police capture a 10 ft., 65 year old crocodile in the city's financial district. (I never thought Germany would have a croc problem. Well there you go.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

You know, I've often thought about this.

Taipei, Taiwan (AFP)
Dentists are reporting an increase in jaw injuries caused by giant, over-sized burgers and want them banned. (Ok, I'm thinking knives and forks, duh!!!)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

"Security" means different things in different countries.

Jerusalem (Reuters)
Four handguns belonging to the bodyguards of the Israeli Prime Minister were stolen during a recent visit to the U. S. (Some body's got some 'splainin' to do Lucy.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Smuggling can be a smelly business.

Brussels (Reuters)
Nordic police have arrested a truck driver trying to smuggle in 28 tons of Chinese garlic!!! (OMG, contraband garlic, is nothing safe.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger  ;-)

You saw a what? Where?

Berlin (AFP)
German police capture a crocodile downtown at 2:00 AM in the town of Gross-Rohrheim.  (Yup, must have be violating a curfew.  Betcha the police were shocked.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

Can't a guy get some slack?

Roswell, GA (AP)
Man arrested after breaking into house to take a shower.  (I give up.)
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)