ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER

San Diego, California (AP)
   An exploding fridge caused a house fire to which fireman responded.  Fire investigators traced the cause of the explosion to a very large quantity of highly flammable hash oil.  The oil probably had something to do with the large marijuana growing operation in the house. Who knew hash oil was flammable?
Protect your hydroponics,
Rodger  :-P

A RULE IS A RULE LADY, SIR, WHATEVER.

Atlanta, Georgia (Fox News 5)
   A 37 year old lady, Nakia Grimes, had to prove she was a woman in order to get a driver license.  Mrs. Grimes' birth certificate mistakenly listed her as male.  Mrs. Grimes had to get a PAP exam and a doctor's note to get a drivers license.
Protect your gender,
Rodger :-P

ALWAYS CHECK THE BACK SEAT.

Aransas Pass, Texas (AP)
   An officer writing a ticket was assaulted by the backseat passenger.  Yup, a monkey leaped out of the back seat and bit the officer's hand.  Apparently, the monkey didn't think the ticket was warranted.
Protect you pet/bodyguard,
Rodger :-P

Tweet outta the Gene Pool!!

San Francisco, (AP)
   Man orders tie and pocket square for his wedding from GAP.  Receives 20 personnel files complete with W4's for terminated  GAP employees.  The GAP blamed human error for the substitution of personnel files for a tie!!!!  (Tweet, outta the Gene Pool dumb ass and report to sterilization.)
Protect your past,
Rodger :-P

DAMN!!! I'D CALL A PRESS CONFERENCE, NOT SUE!!!

Wilmington, Delaware (Reuters),
   Daniel Metzgar was suing urologist Thomas Desperito for negligence over an erection that lasted 8 months (??????).  A jury cleared Thomas of any negligence.  Yup, old Daniel wanted an erection and Dr. Desperito fixed him "up" so to speak.  I'm still not real sure why Danny boy was upset.  Might have been a positional problem.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger :-P

When did Chewbacca start carrying a Light Saber?

Denver, Col. (AP)
   TSA Agents stopped Chewbacca when he tried to board a plane with a Light Saber.  Agents were suspicious when the 7 ft. hairy alien appeared with the Light Saber.  The problem being that Chewbacca is not known for carrying a Light Saber.  Agents later allowed Chewbacca to board the plane with the Light Saber.  However, no explanation has been given as to why the furry fellow was armed with a Light Saber rather than his standard Laser Rifle.
Protect your myths, 
Rodger :-P

MAN I KNOW PLENTY OF PEOPLE FOR THIS JOB.

Vienna, Austria (AP)
   An Austrian hotel is advertising for a court jester.  Yup, bring your own costume to apply for the hotel fools job. Pays 1400 euros ($1,900) a month.  Idiots are encouraged to apply.
Protect your sanity,
Rodger ;-P

I BET YOU SOMEONE IS GETTING FIRED.

Copenhagen, Denmark (AP)
   Employees at a Danish supermarket, Coop, opened boxes of bananas form Columbia to find 220 lbs. of cocaine instead.  Some where some one is not happy with their boxes of bananas. Just sayin'.
Protect your fruit,
Rodger ;-P

THAT'S GOT TO SUCK!!!

St. Paul, Minn. (St. Paul Pioneer Press)
   A divorced woman finds out that her "on line friend" of almost a year was in fact her ex-husband.  I'm telling you, you gotta watch those "on line romances."
Protect your relation-ships,
Rodger :-P

Colorado, America's natural state.

Durango, Col. (AP)
   People ride the Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad to see nature's natural beauty.  On this particular run, passengers not only got pictures of the mountains.  In addition they were greeted by a dozen nude men and women partying in and wearing natures own.  (What are those people doing in their birthday suits Mommy?)  Ah, nature's surprises.
Protect your wildlife,
Rodger :-P

Ok, some folks need to get out more.

Alamogordo, N.M. (AP)
   The Alamogordo City Commission is going to allow Fuel Industries to search an old landfill for....bad Atari Games!!!  Rumor is that the worst Atari video games ever made are buried there.  I'm not sure why Fuel Industries is looking for the worst video games ever??  Maybe they are trying to revive them like a mummy or vampire and release them on an unsuspecting world.  Oh the horror!! 
Protect your dump,
Rodger  :-P

Doesn't everyone watch CSI?

Syracuse, New York (AP)
   29 year old Moses Wilson broke into a vacant rent house to steal copper wiring. Mr. Wilson found a case of beer and decided to have a couple.  Yup, police matched the DNA on the cans to dear old Moses. That 5 o'clock somewhere thing isn't always such a good idea.
Protect your breaks,
Rodger :-P

Ummm, bacon!!! Ummm, doughnut!!!

New York (AP)
   Duncan Doughnut is going to releasing its doughnut breakfast sandwich at all locations June 7.  The breakfast doughnut is bacon, egg and cheese inside a glazed doughnut cut in half.  Yup, that's what I'm talking about.  The perfect sandwich.
Protect your arteries,
Rodger :-P

Dude, you can order this by mail?

Sacramento, California (KXTV)
   George Burton received a FedEx box.  He opened the box to find 11 lb.'s of marijuana.  George promptly turned the pot over to police.  Some where, somebody has a lot of 'splaining  to do Lucy,
Protect your correspondence,
Rodger :-P
 

Sounds like a Texas High School.

Gothenburg, Sweden (UPI)
   Students at a Gothenburg High School were shocked to learn that the school had failed to offer a course required for graduation.  Apparently, the school hadn't offered the course in a couple of years!!
 Protect your learn-ing,
Rodger :-P