I WAS HYPNOTIZED OFFICER.

Padua, Italy (UPI)
   A gypsy woman apparently stole $2,736 from a church's Christmas offering. A 71 year old priest claims the Roma (gypsy) woman hypnotized him.  (Yup, that's his story and he's sticking to it.)
Protect your reality,
Rodger :-P

TOAST MAYBE, BUT THE CHEESECAKE IS GONE.

Scottsdale, Ariz. (AP)
   A Phoenix family claims that when they took their Christmas Cheesecake out of the oven that it cracked and formed a crucifix. They say they won't be eating the cake. (At my house we would say, "cool, already in quarters.")
Guard your desserts,
Rodger :-P

YUP, WE SKINNED GRANDPA AND THAT'S HIM ON THE WALL.

Amsterdam (Reuters)
   Peter van der Helm has opened a shop called "Walls and Skin."  Patrons contract to have there tattoos removed and preserved after death.  Yup, gonna skin 'em and send them off to a pathologist to be preserved and then returned for display. (Probably should use a taxidermist.)
Protect your epidermis,
Rodger :-P

WHO KNEW???

Reykjavik, Iceland. (Reuters)
Elf advocates have joined forces with environmentalists to urge the Icelandic Road and Coastal Commission and local authorities to abandon a highway project building a direct route from the Alftanes peninsula, to the Reykjavik suburb of Gardabaer.   They fear disturbing elf habitat and claim the area is particularly important because it contains an elf church.  (Good to see someone standing up for the elves.)
Protect your myths,
Rodger :-P

AND ANOTHER "AW SHIT!!" MOMENT.

Cairo, Egypt (Reuters)
   An advertising banner promoting the country's new constitution has the word "Egyptians" misspelled.   Also, the folks pictured on the banner are obviously from countries other than Egypt.  The banner was displayed as the backdrop for a high profile news conference promoting support of the new constitution.  No one bothered to inspect the banner before display which was broadcast nation wide. (Bet somebody is looking for a new job.)
Protect your image,
Rodger :-P     

I GUESS THE GUARDS WERE FACING THE GNORW WAY.

Rome, Italy (Reuters)
   Thieves in Northern Italy broke into a prison, broke   into   a    prison, broke-into-a-prison!!!!  And, they stole a safe (the whole freaking safe) containing 5,000 euros ($6,700).  Local police are investigating.
Protect your lockups,
Rodger :-p

THEY WALK AMONG US.

San Antonio, Texas (Breitbart)
28 year old Adam Kramer used a sword in attempt to rob a Mexican restaurant of 6 tacos. The would be taco taker stepped outside for a moment and a waitress locked him outside and called police.  (Tweeeeet, outta the gene pool, report to sterilization.)
Protect your cuisine,
Rodger :-P 

YUP, SHAVE, SHAMPOO, HAIRCUT..... WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE?

Longmont, Col. (AP)
   Police have arrested and charged topless barber Suzette Hall for giving hair cuts........wait for it....... without a license!!!!!  (Get the woman a license.)
Protect your enterprise,
Rodger  :-P

JUST DOING A LITTLE SITE SEEING.

Rome (Reuters)
   Mia left the circus and took a two hour stroll around a northern suburb of Rome.  Mia is an elephant.  (Bet that gave the neighbors something to talk about.)
Protect your Circus,
Rodger :-P

NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE!!

Beijing, China (AP)
   In an effort to cut air pollution, Chinese officials have destroyed more than 500 open air Bar-B-Que grills!!!  (Hey dude, how about them smoke belching factory chimneys?)
Protect your burgers,
Rodger :-p