SORRY, THE HOODIE BLOCKED HIS FACE.

New York (Reuters)
  A man wearing a grey hoodie robbed a bank of $1,200 cash. The bandit did not show a weapon and made a clean getaway. Oh yeah, and he was in a wheel chair. (Can you give me a description?)
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger :-P

CONTENTED COWS GIVE THE BEST MILK

Rome (Reuters)
  Stressed cows getting air conditioning to fight 100 degree plus heat wave in the Po Valley. (Makes sense to me.)
Protect your milk and cookies,
Rodger  :-P

ANIMALS FIGHTING BACK

Portland, Oregon (Reuters)
  Beaver defends dam against two human hikers. Clayton Mitchel and John Bailey were attacked by a beaver after the two men climbed upon the normal docile creature's dam. Clayton was knocked from the dam and John was trapped under a pile of logs. Frankly, some things just aren't funny to a beaver.
Protect your construction,
Rodger :-P