ANIMALS FIGHTING BACK

Abilene, Texas (NBC)
   In a brave attempt to save fellow turkeys, a turkey conducted a suicide attack on a car near Abilene early Thanksgiving morning. Sadly the brave turkey's sacrifice was for naught as the driver still reached his Thanksgiving dinner destination even after the turkey smashed through the windshield of the car. In addition, the heroic turkey became dinner for a family that stopped to help the driver.  (Tried to take one for the team.)
Protect your giblets,
Rodger :-P  

JUST TRYING TO DO A LITTLE BUSINESS.

Salford, England (UPI)
   15 year old Tommy Rose is being threatened with suspension for running ..... wait for it..... a black market..... snack shop at Buile Hill High School!  That's right, seems old Tom was pocketing $22,000 a year by selling contraband chips, soda, and candy. Mr. Rose was buying the illicit goods at discount stores in bulk. Tommy was doing so well he hired two assistants. (Well there you go. No thinking outside the box at dear old Buile Hill High.)
Protect your black market,
Rodger :-P

SO MUCH FOR NOT NOTIFYING LAW ENFORCEMENT

Dickson, Tenn. (UPI)

The Sheriff's department paid a $500 ransom to hackers. Apparently, downloaded malware was holding all of the sheriff's records hostage and would not release the records until the ransom was paid. (Wonder if they called in the FBI?)

Protect your files,

Rodger :-P 

SOMETHINGS JUST AIN'T FUNNY!!!

Philadelphia, Penn. (UPI)
Police are looking for one Joe Sullivan. Apparently, Joe sank his estranged wife's 1990 red Corvette in the Delaware River. Engaged in a bitter divorce, Joe took his frustrations out on the totally innocent Corvette. (Damn, not the Corvette.)
Protect your Hot-Rod,
Rodger :-P

I'M SURE IT MADE SENSE IN HIS HEAD.

Tarrytown, N.Y.
   DWI suspect, Kenneth Dessorme, tried to eat the printed results of his alcohol breath test. Kenneth was charged with a DWI, criminal tampering and being stupid.
Protect your records,
Rodger :-P 

WAIT....WHAT????

Cairo, Egypt (UPI)
An Egyptian bus driver used his wife's urine to try and pass a drug test. His boss told the fellow, "Congratulations, you are two months pregnant and good luck on looking for a new job."
Protect your pee,
Rodger :-P

SO WHAT ABOUT A CIRCUS?

Vandargues, France (UPI)
   Official banned anyone over the age of 12 dressing as a clown for Halloween. Officials wanted to stop crimes committed by "evil" clowns. (Some folks think all clowns are evil.)
Protect your circus,
Rodger :-P