Well, if there is no mirror, what are you going to do.

Mars, Solar System (AP)
   Even the Mars Rover is trying to get into the self photograph act. Having no mirror for a self portrait, the Mars Rover took a picture of its own shadow for its face book page.
Protect your accounts,
Rodger ;-)

Dude, where did we put that flute?

Hamelin, Germany (AP)
   Hamelin is where the Pied Piper got rid of all the rats. Well, the city is undergoing a severe rat problem. Why can't you find a fairy tale hero when you need one.
Protect your myths,
Rodger ;-/

Cow gangs are back!!

Box Ford, Mass (AP)
   A gang of cows crashed a backyard party. The gang chased the party goers away and drank their beer. No report as to how many of the gang got away.
Protect your back-yard,
Rodger ;-)

When stupid attacks!!!!

La Crosse, Wis (AP)
   A burglar identifies himself on a stolen video camera and then uploads the whole thing to you tube.  Tweet outta the gene pool, report to sterilization!!!   Here is a link to the video.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmY_gFcBsvw 
Protect your assets,
Rodger ;-)

And now, another advantage.

San Diego, CA (AP)
   A man was stabbed the chest. The fellow's implanted defibrillator stopped the blade. Now there's a life saver.
Protect your heart,
Rodger ;-P

Dude, I said "don't" lose it!!!

Dana Point, Ca. (AP)
    A boater spotted 160 bales of something floating off the coast. Turned out to be 3 1/2 tons of pot.  Man, somebody is going to be really bummed out. And that's why you don't let pot-heads make deliveries.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger  ;-P

Oops, didn't think this through.

Miami, Fla. (AP)
   Jacquelyn Myers 55 competed the Boston Marathon and had routinely competed in other races. Jacquelyn was on workers disability because of a bad back. Kinda blew that one.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-)

These things work themselves out in the end.

Ontario, Canada (AP)
   Richard Mathews swallowed a $20,000 diamond at a Precisions Jewelry in an attempt to steal the diamond. Mr. Mathews is now in the custody of police who are patiently waiting for the evidence to appear as one would say. Bahahahahah
Protect your jewel-ry
Rodger ;-)

Gangs of juvenile red crabs invade Caymen Islands.

San Juan, Puerto Rico (AP)
  Thousands of red crabs are invading the Caymen Islands. These juveniles are migrating from the beaches were they were born inland to find homes. Gangs of red crabs are covering roads. Others are breaking into AC units and dryer vents looking for places to crash.

I blame the parents.  If the adult crabs kept a better eye on their children this kind of thing wouldn't happen.  Now there are thousands of red crab juveniles running around flipping gang signs and wearing their shells low. This is just a disgrace to crustaceans every where.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger :-P

I'm not sure my insurance covers this.

Chenago, New Jersey (AP)
   A tractor trailer turned over and spilled 18 tons of yogurt across the highway. Cars were slipping and sliding every where. No reports as to which was slicker the peach or the strawberry. At last report folks were still cleaning the yogurt up. The driver was ticketed for excessive speed.
Protect your dairy,
Rodger ;-)

No officer, I don't know how I got here.

La Puente, Ca. (AP)
   The Diaz family awoke to find a 2006 Lexus submerged in their swimming pool.  The car smashed through a cinder block wall and wound up in the pool. Police suspect alcohol may have been involved. Duh!!!   Wonder why?  "No officer the car was dirty and I wanted to give it a bath. The gate was too small so I ...."
Protect your water hazards,
Rodger  ;-)

Ok, Dave, we are going to have to do a strip search.

New Field, New Jersey (AP)
   Dave Hurban had 4 magnets surgically implanted in his wrist. Seems Dave was tired of his wrist band and wanted to hold his iPod Nano in place. In a related story, Dave is having a real problem with metal scanners at court houses and such.
Protect your elect-ronics,
Rodger ;-P

We're gonna need some smaller handcuffs.

Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. (AP)
   A family was jerked off a jet blue flight in Florida. Yup, seems their 18 month old daughter was on the terrorist no fly list. Hey, rules are rules.
Protect your fam-ily,
Rodger ;-)

Ooops, wrong guy.

Signal Mountain, Tennessee (AP)
   Police and FBI agents arrest a man who they mistook for his dead twin brother. What can I say.
Protect your self,
Rodger ;-)

Wait, What??

Lexington, South Carolina (AP)
  Frank Baron is running for County Corner with the campaign slogan of "saving lives." Ok, I really confused here.
Protect your fun-eral,
Rodger ;-)

No officer, I don't need a license.

Las Vegas, Nevada (AP)
   Nevada to issue first driver license for driver less car.  Google is getting drivers licenses to test drive the driver less cars. Question, if no one is driving, why would one need a drivers license? Next, if there is no driver, who are you going to flip off when you get cut off? I see many issues with this.
Protect your vehicle,
Rodger ;-)

Convicted felon assigned to guard other prisoners.

New Roads, La. (AP)
   A wolf dog named Chief had been sentenced to death over his aggressive behavior in his neighborhood. Judge James Best commuted Chief's sentence. Chief has been assigned to Louisiana's State Prison at Angola where Chief will guard other convicted felons. Chief was not available for an interview but expressed his happiness through a spokes person.
Protect your ass-ets,
Rodger ;-P

Must not see many of those around there.

Shelbyville, Tenn (AP)
   Lorenzo Gaspar was paying his bill at a convenience store in Shelbyville.  Mr. Gaspar paid with a $50. The clerk was suspicious and called police. The police arrested Mr. Gaspar for trying to pass a counterfeit $50. Two banks, however, informed the police that the $50 wasn't counterfeit, just old.  The Shelbyville Police Dept. released Mr. Gaspar and apologized for the mistake. I'm sure Mr. Gaspar is happy with just the apology and won't sue.......yet.
Protect your old stuff,
Rodger ;-)

Sales of BMW motorcycle seats are going to sky rocket!

San Francisco, CA. (San Francisco Chronicle)
   Henry Wolfe is suing BMW North America.  Mr. Wolfe claims that the ridged seat on his 1993 motorcycle caused old Henry to have an erection that lasted almost two years.  Damn?????? This is going to kill Viagra sales. I guess BMW now stands for Big Man's Wanker (stole this from a friend).
Protect your pa-rts,
Rodger ;-)